I’ve Never Resented Anyone More Than This Couple Who Won Their THIRD $1 Million Scratch Ticket Jackpot In Five Years

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A Massachusetts couple is celebrating their THIRD $1 million lottery jackpot in only five years.

Good for them.

They probably deserve it.

Seem like salt of the earth people.

God, what a feel good story.

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Via UPI:

Janet Pflaumer-Phillips of Lakeville told Massachusetts Lottery officials she bought her $30 Diamond Millions scratch-off ticket from the A&A Petro store in Middleborough and scratched it off to reveal a $1 million top prize win.

Pflaumer-Phillips’ husband, Kevin, previously collected $1 million prizes from scratch-off tickets in April 2014 and September 2016.

Janet Pflaumer-Phillips said the couple’s latest winnings will go toward helping out family and friends.

 

The win re-confirms my theory that a higher power refuses to let anyone under the age of 60 win big on the lottery. This theory has been researches extensively over a 10 year period, not coincidentally the same amount of time I’ve poured thousands of my hard-earned money into scratch tickets.

Best of luck to the Phillips family. Hopefully they don’t end up jaded, like this 90-year-old woman who won the $278 million Powerball jackpot, only to turn around and sue her own son for mismanaging the funds. Lottery winning: a blessing and a curse. Actually, just a curse for assholes, who should be legally required to hand over their winnings to blow their winnings on dope shit instead of lawyer fees. I’m available!

 

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.