Dan Bilzerian Has Finished His Much-Anticipated Autobiography, Sending The Haters Into A Frenzy

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What a picture, what a life. Dan Bilzerian, aka Mr. Polarizing. Hero to some, villain to most. Now we can read his entire story—all 48 pages of it—if we buy his autobiography. Title pending. Here are a few options:

Hate hate hate hate hate!

If you’ve ever wondered what motivates trolls to shit on the success of those above them, look no further than Dan’s subtweets. I selected a couple of the most-liked title suggestions for our breakdown.

First, @danjeffrey23. What’s he up to?

Recreating scenes from Step Brothers. Every word. Shooting and editing this, not to mention memorizing the lines, took at least a day. Maybe 2. Probably 2. And for what?

35 views. 36 followers.

I didn’t even know twitter accounts went that low. I thought you started with at least 100, like opening a Fanduel account. Nope, Dan Jeffrey (never trust a man with two first names) is out here on Twitter for two reasons: to recreate movie scenes for small amounts of people and to shit on Dan Bilzerian. Sweet life, Dan Jeff. You’re a bum.


Ivica Milarić. Who’s he, and what’s he doing these days?

Ah, using his moderately-engaged troll tweet as a springboard to promote his own book. Fantastic. If you had any doubt as to whether Ivica was jealous of Dan B., let those questions rest. He’s an author himself! Only his book, the groundbreaking Using Psychology to Stop Procrastinating, provides a welcome distraction for those who struggle to get down to work. If you were hoping for another reason not to do anything with your day, give this 29-page barnburner a try.

There has been a disturbing trend of late, where people try to rip down the great faces of our society. I’m sick and tired of these little locusts beating their pathetic wings and screeching for relevancy through the destruction of idols. Whatever happened to trying to rise through merit? Must we relegate our nation’s greatest achievers to smaller status, so that we feel less inferior by contrast? Must we try to bring the legends down to our pathetic, bottom-feeding level?

I will continue to fight the fight on behalf of the heroes. And make no mistake: Dan Bilzerian is a hero. Or he tries to be, at least.

And that’s more than we can say for all the Ivica Milarićs and Dan Jeffs of the world.


PS- That girl looks dehydrated. Not body shaming, just concerned. Nobody wants a headache right now.