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As a general rule, it’s fairly ill-advised to go out of your way to draw attention to yourself while engaging in illegal activities. In regard to illicit drugs, this normally means coming up with some slang terms for your substance(s) of choice in order to prevent yourself from having more attention drawn your way than needed while discussing your favorite recreational pastimes.
There are countless nicknames for basically every drug in existence— especially marijuana, which has been the inspiration for some absolutely incredible slang names over the years. These monikers stretch all the way back to the time people were stuffing the Devil’s lettuce into jazz cigarettes and up to the current day, where weed enthusiasts are still grinding up nugs, rolling up that broccoli, and smoking big doinks.
As I just learned by browsing the impressively uncited Wikipedia article for “cannabis slang”— a list that includes the term “c-jizz,” which I have never heard of before but will now use as much as I can— it’s virtually impossible to keep track of the many different names people use to refer to marijuana. However, that hasn’t stopped the DEA from attempting to do just that and producing an absolutely hilarious report in the process.
According to The Boston Globe, the federal agency recently released an official report to help law enforcement officers decipher the complex world of drug slang— a report that’s filled with words and terms I’m pretty sure no one has ever used before.
DEA issues its 2018 report on drug slang terms. 99% of these I've never heard. Philly terms highlighted https://t.co/Kijxcbirs4 pic.twitter.com/zv9cJniRZz
— Christopher Moraff (@cmoraff) July 10, 2018
Here are some of my personal favorites:
- Smoochy Woochy Poochy
- Bambalachacha
- Shoes
- Big Pillows
- Burritos Verdes
- Colorado Cocktail
- Fine Stuff
- Laughing Grass
While many of the terms are just names of specific strains there are still some truly inexplicable ones that I can’t say I’ve ever come across. I would personally love to know who out there is texting their guys asking if he can bring some “shoes” or “big pillows” over to their place.
I’m just glad to know my tax dollars have never been working harder.