Designer Tom Ford Offers Some Helpful Tips On How Not To Look Homeless On Video Chats

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This blog sources from the following article in the NY Times, as told to Maureen Dowd. 

Tom Ford is the dude whose clothes I would buy if I had unlimited moolah and things actually started to matter again. Sure, his grey t-shirts will run ya $440, but those t-shirts come with a lifetime guarantee that you’ll be extra furious when the hot oil from your shrimp tapas dish splashes onto the shirt. He’s impeccably dressed at all times and Tom Brady lives in his clothing, so that’s good enough for probably every dude alive.

Given how we’ve transferred both professional and social communications to Zoom gatherings, I was excited to read his tips for not looking like a total bag of shit on your webcam. Let’s break them down:

1. Put the computer up on a stack of books so the camera is slightly higher than your head.

This one shouldn’t be a surprise. Women figured out long ago that taking selfies from an elevated vantage point makes you much hotter/hides your chins better. For me, this is an important because I left my nose hair trimmer in Manhattan and things are getting bushy up there. Far better not to shine a light on the overgrown thicket of nasal pubes while creating disappointing Cameos.

2. Then take a tall lamp and set it next to the computer on the side of your face you feel is best.

Frustrating tip here. I don’t have any small lamps. Only big ones. Also, there’s so much goddamn natural light in this place. That may sound like a humblebrag but do you know what it’s like going to bed at 11pm, then waking up at 1AM because the fucking SUPERMOON is shining a concussion test into your eyeballs, then waking up again at 7AM because the SUN is offering a second opinion concussion test? Not to mention, the natural light during the day makes me look all washed out and ghostly. And finally, I have no idea which side of my face is my best side. As far as I can tell, they’re the same. I’ve never understood that. Some people have scars or a broken nose that bends a certain way, and that makes sense. Eh, maybe I’m the asshole.

3. Then put a piece of white paper or a white tablecloth on the table you are sitting at but make sure it can’t be seen in the frame. It will give you a bit of fill and bounce.

Whoa baby. See, this is the good stuff from Tommy boy. Never would have known this. I guess that’s why people hold those reflective baking sheets under their faces for photo shoots? “Fill and bounce.” Fun!

4. Lots of powder, et voilà!

I think he’s kidding here. Maybe not. I only have talcum powder. That can’t be what Tom Ford means. Steps 1-3 very helpful though. Gonna look like a prince on today’s OOPS THE PODCAST!

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