Donald Trump Accepts Joe Rogan’s Offer To Moderate A Four-Hour Presidential Debate With Him And Joe Biden

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If you told me at my college graduation in 2009 that in just over a decade, my degree in Economics would be far less valuable for my career than shitting my pants, the Fear Factory guy could sway the fate of the nation, and condoms are still a feasible contraceptive option, I would’ve added another liter of vodka to my Surge.

But here we are, a weird world in which the President of the United States has openly agreed to defend his belt in Joe Rogan’s new robot fleshlight.

Context: Rogan and retired MMA fighter Tim Kennedy were discussing the debates Sunday when Rogan offered to moderate a debate between Trump and Biden to avoid such an important political decision being determined in the current antiquated debate format: short soundbites unpacked by endless media speculation.

“First of all, I want no one else in the room, just the three of us, and you’d have to stream it live so no one can edit it, and I would want them in there for hours,” Rogan said.

“If they wanted to do that – they both wanted to come here in Austin, sit down and have a debate – I would 100% do it,” he continued.

“But I don’t think that Biden can handle it. I think Biden is like, I think he’s, I mean people get mad at me for saying this, I think there’s something wrong and I don’t think there’s something wrong, because I’m guessing, or because I’m pro-Trump. I’ve seen him fall apart,” Rogan said, as transcribed by the New York Post.

Rogan still seems to be bullish on the idea, posting a screenshot of the proposition to his nearly 11 million Instagram followers.

“Don’t you know the Devil wears a suit and tie
I saw him driving down the sixty one in early July
White as a cotton field
And sharp as a knife
I heard him howlin’ as he passed me by…”

A bunch of blue check marks on Twitter seem to be in favor of the fate of the country being decided in a Rogan’s new sex dungeon podcast studio.

Back in April, Rogan said the Democratic party has made “morons” out of voters by favoring Biden.

“I’d rather vote for Trump than [Biden],” said Rogan. “I don’t think [Biden] can handle anything. You’re relying entirely on his cabinet. If you want to talk about an individual leader who can communicate, he can’t do that. And we don’t know what the fuck he’ll be like after a year in office.”

Biden, fight for your job on episode #2840 of the Joe Rogan Experience sponsored by VPN Express and Manscaped.

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Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.