Over 7,000 People Want To Drink The Red Liquid From The Mysterious Black Sarcophagus


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There have been many petitions that have changed the world and made impactful improvements in society. This petition is not one of them. This petition is making the case that people should be allowed to drink the red sludge liquid in the black sarcophagus that was recently discovered in Egypt. Also, the liquid is said to be sewage water. Not that I’m saying that people shouldn’t be able to drink forbidden mummy juice.

Only days ago, archaeologists opened a mysterious black granite sarcophagus in Alexandria, Egypt that is believed to be over 2,000-years-old despite many warnings that opening the ancient tomb could unleash a curse that would inflict worldwide destruction. It’s only been a few days, but so far, so good. However, when they did take the lid off the coffin they did find three Egyptian soldiers stewing in a red liquid. Experts believe the liquid is sewage water from a broken pipe, but that’s exactly something a person who just found a life-giving potion in an ancient tomb and doesn’t want the world to know about their new-found Fountain of Youth. Many of the excavators were forced to leave the tomb area because the smell from the liquid was so puke-inducing. Now, there’s a movement for people to drink the sewage water.

A petition appropriately titled “let people drink the red liquid from the dark sarcophagus” on Change.org wants to give the people the power to drink the putrid sewage water. The petition started by Innes McKendrick states the obvious reason for the request: “we need to drink the red liquid from the cursed dark sarcophagus in the form of some sort of carbonated energy drink so we can assume its powers and finally die.” What would the drink be named? I’m voting for “Four-Thousand BC Loko.” Also, there’s no way this tastes any worse than the MD 20/20 “Banana Red” flavor.

Could this bone broth be the modern-day Fountain of Youth? Or could this blood red liquid poison someone and kill them within minutes of consuming? We really won’t know until someone steps up to the plate and drinks this mystic juice. At the time of publication, over 7,000 have signed the petition and they will easily meet their goal of 7,500 signatures within hours. Be honest, you wouldn’t want to drink the mummy Kool-Aid with the slight chance it will give you magical powers? The people have spoken and the people demand that they have the freedom to drink the forbidden red sewage water from a 2,000 sarcophagus! Let them live!

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