Dude Turns Tinder Profile Into A Personality Math Test For Potential Suitors That Is Equally As Douchy As It Is Genius

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Just days after news broke of the dude who offered his Tinder date a 15-bullet pointed list of ‘improvements’ in order to score a second date with him comes the story of a man who has established a comprehensive list of metrics aimed to provide more information about a person than four of their best pictures ever could.

Female Twitter user @TheDreamGhoul posted a man’s Tinder profile she presumably stumbled across while swiping. Many have blasted it for being superficial with a side of douchebaggery, but I’d argue that learning of someone’s personality traits before trying to fuck them is more noble than trying to fuck them because they look good in a photo from sophomore year of college.

You decide.

Here is my assessment:

Workout: +2
Like to drink: +1

Love your family: +3
Understanding budget: 0

Can hold a conversation +2
Practice a religion 0

Go to school 0
Open-minded +1

A freak in bed (Can’t be a freak if you get winded after a few pumps): 0
Bougie: 0

Have a hobby: +1
Shorter than 5’3”: 0

Professional and Ratchet: 0


Smokes cigs: -1 (I’ll give myself -1 instead of -2 seeing as I don’t smoke unless I’ve had a sip of alcohol. Then I’m fucking Joe Camel)
Netflix 3+ hours a day: 0

Only do put on a face for an event: 0
Have way to many clothes: 0

Can’t cook: -1
Unemployed/Not a student: 0

Needy: 0
Rude: -2

My score: 7/20. Yikes.

I wonder if this dude will still fuck me.


Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.