Ellen Degeneres Returns To Television With A Wonderful, Heartfelt Apology

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Ellen is back!! The Ellen Degeneres sideshow of horror is finally over, replaced by the actual Ellen Degeneres Show that we all know and love. Thank God,too; I can’t take any more of these whiny accusations. Now, to be clear, I’m not referring to the allegations of workplace harassment and the toxic culture that was pervasive at Ellen. All that needed to be fixed and it seems like we’re on the right track here, as a number of problematic people were fired and an effort to raise awareness has been made.

Which brings us to the big question: do you believe Ellen? Do you feel that this apology is sincere? Will you be able to set aside your astonishment and deep feelings of betrayal from learning that Ellen wasn’t as nice as you had hoped? Will you get back to your regular 3PM appointment to watch Ellen during the middle of the afternoon, like an overgrown child taking a sick day from school?

Let me lead the way: I hereby forgive Ellen. Recognizing that my forgiveness and opinion does not matter AT ALL, I will enlarge my heart and welcome her back to the airwaves with acceptance and gratitude. For she is a gift to this world, and we are better off when she is bringing joy and laughter to our sunlight living rooms.

Welcome back, Ellen.