Guy Goes Viral For Satanic Way He Sliced The Bagels He Brought For His Co-Workers, Should He Be Imprisoned?


There is nothing the internet hasn’t seen. Type in ‘chipmunk riding a Vespa with high heels on’ and I can all buy guarantee that’s exactly what you’ll find. I’ve been doing this career internet thing for a few years now and nothing surprises me. At this point, I could watch Two Girls, One Cup while eating Ben & Jerry’s Chocolate Fudge Brownie ice cream that has been left in the sun.

With that said, today I was affected.

Some deranged lunatic who is just out there in society posted a photo of a “St. Louis secret” of ordering bagels sliced into tiny slithers. Correct me if I’m wrong, but this may be a first in the entire history of the world wide web.

A closer look:

Twitter/Alex Krautmann

As you can imagine, the tweet was ratio was not great for Mr. Krautmann, who somehow was still able to keep his job. No word on whether the Panera Bread employee has been fired either. I challenge someone who claims ‘the customer’s always right’ to take one look at the photo above.

Would I still eat the fuck out of 19 of those cute little satanic slices? You bet, buddy. Carbs are king.