Of course after a weekend where my patriotic pride was bursting out of my sweatpant waistband, I am immediately reminded that there is no hope for anything. There is no such this as progress or evolution or enlightenment. We are all just here, pooping and peeing and distracting ourselves with frivolous nonsense until we die, eventually to be forgotten in favor of other poopers and pee-ers yelling at each other to fulfill a shallow need for intellectual and moral superiority. And around and around we go.
Too bleak? Give me a break, it’s the week after a long weekend. But, in my defense, I have a point for once.
The Onion, a satirical newspaper, published an op-ed titled “Do Americans Need Air-Conditioning?”
Oh, wait. This just in.
The piece was actually written by the New York Times, a respected journalistic publication commonly referred to as “The Times” by people who say “henceforth” in spoken word.
The article brought up a topic that was brought up last year and the year before, and will be brought up until extraterrestrials descend upon us to teach us a lesson. The article claims that our intolerance of heat is a First World learned behavior and are discriminatory towards women, who get chillier easier.
Atlantic writer Taylor Lorenz ramped it up a notch on Sunday by very reasonably claiming that air conditioning is everything we use to describe the world’s worst dictators.
Obviously only a clinically ill person would say something like this, but give Lorenz more credit. She knew exactly what she was doing: say something idiotic, piss off the reasonable majority, and pluck out the most extreme responses to support her narrative and play “told ya so!”
AM I TAKING CRAZY PILLS?!
Please, for the sake of sanity, someone needs to set this blue check mark straight.
I need a beer. A cold one.