versus the guy she told you not to worry about because he’s all the way over in Britain, which is currently on lockdown thanks to its superchlamydia strain of COVID:
Boy, celebrity breakups can be rough. Especially when you’re one of those darling couples that everyone believes in (Jenn Anniston/Brad Pitt, Kim Kardashian/Reggie Bush, etc.) I still recall when the news broke that Oliva Wilde and Jason Sudeikis’ secret to a healthy relationship was that they engaged in intercourse constantly. That revelation stuck with me for years as it made me feel completely inadequate behind my comparatively infrequent lovemaking.
As such, I didn’t feel that bad upon learning that JSu and OWil had called it quits. I wasn’t exactly rooting for them to fall apart, but it does make me feel more self-assured in my philosophy that sex-heavy relationships lack in other fields, like communication, and are ultimately doomed.
Meanwhile, Olivia has found a new guy by the name of Harry Styles. Ever heard of him? Sure you have. And twitter is throwing out prayers for Jason Sudeikis:
📲 Harry Styles now officially confirms that the song Olivia by One Direction is about Olivia Wilde and they had to hide their relationship for about 5 years.
— HLDaily (@perfectIylwt) January 4, 2021
jason sudeikis, keep your head up king… pic.twitter.com/ZeYVm3dXxh
— nat (@edisonbeesly) January 4, 2021
don’t get me wrong, olivia wilde and harry styles are beautiful and free people and if they’re dating then fine, but she’s his director, and jason sudeikis exists and i know they split but it must just hurt and i- pic.twitter.com/7KEI9NkgW4
— kat✨ (@sugarysaturn) January 4, 2021
starting ted lasso for jason sudeikis bc that poor mf prolly needs all the support he can get pic.twitter.com/1KsUcC4Jzr
— jj (@wiIIowfilms) January 4, 2021
But if I know Jason Sudeikis as well as I think I do, he’s going to be just fine. Something tells me that the combination of dashing good looks, being spectacularly funny, and his new status as divorcé father on good terms with his ex will play well for him. Oh, and he’s also the star of a hit TV show about Premier League soccer. Pretty good time to be single, IMO.
PS- if Olivia and Harry go the distance, they should start a perfume line called “Wilde Styles.” Though I think Nick Cannon and his buds at Wild ‘N Out might have an issue with it.
PPS- Nick Cannon is actually the man. Wild be true.