John Cena Squatting 530 Pounds In A Darth Vader Mask Should Arouse All You ‘Star Wars’ Nerds

by 11 months ago

20th Century Fox

I have too many skeletons in my closet to run for public office but if I was forced into it, I’d run my campaign on one promise to the people. And that promise is this:

“If on May 4th, a citizen of the United States says audibly or via social media ‘May the fourth be with you,’ you are legally entitled to punch said person in the face.”

Say I’m an asshole but don’t you dare say I’m not making the world a better place.

In any event, today is Star Wars Day, which is the Super Bowl for that kid in your high school who would roll up his boogers and stick them under his desk. If I seem bitter, it’s not because of the Star Wars movies themselves, it’s because of the low-key condescension of its avid fans. Like there’s a hierarchy in Star Wars fandom and the group at the bottom of the pyramid just don’t get it or are somehow less enlightened. Sure, I may not have seen the special editions, but have you ever seen porn, nerdo?

You want me to join your Star Wars cult? No? Well, if you did, you’d have to push content like this: John Cena squatting 529 pounds in a Chewbacca mask.

How triggered did you get that I called the R2-D2 mask a Chewbacca mask?



TAGSJohn CenaStar Wars