This Story Judd Apatow Told About Tom Cruise Not Knowing What Porn Was Proves He’s An Alien

tom cruise running


Full disclaimer: To see if this story was actually true, I Googled ‘Tom Cruise Porn,’ so if I die under mysterious circumstances and the feds seize my laptop and dig into my internet history, you all need to vouch for me.

If you needed any more evidence that Tom Cruise is an extraterrestrial sent from planet Nutjob in the form of an agelessly attractive man, this story that Judd Apatow told on the The Late Show with Stephen Colbert should do it.

Apatow said he met with Cruise about a potential romantic comedy role in 2006 (the movie was never made) and after what Cruise revealed to them, both Apatow and Rogen should be prosecuted for not relying the information to authorities.

Via Page Six:

“[Rogen] wasn’t famous so he was just a dude with me and so I said, ‘Someone needs to witness this,’” Apatow said. “So we’re talking to [Cruise], and I don’t know how it came up, but it usually comes up with Seth — [he] starts talking about marijuana and pornography. And he starts talking about watching adult films on the internet and Tom Cruise goes, ‘What? You’re saying there’s adult films on the internet?’ ”

The director, who noted that Cruise, 56, is a “very nice man,” continued, “Seth’s like, ‘Yeah, there’s all these movies on these websites.’ And Tom Cruise’s like, ‘Wait a second. You’re saying if I go on the computer, on the world wide web, there are people having sex?’ ”

At that point, Apatow says Rogen, 36, told Cruise that he watches porn online “all the time … Everybody does it, it’s not a big deal anymore.”

“No movie was made,” Apatow cracked. “He was being very polite, but I think … I assume he was against it and being polite. But who knows? We’ll never know.”

Oh so you mean the dude who once allegedly banished his 14-year-old niece from attending future family events because he caught her kissing a boy never heard of smut videos? Ya don’t say.

[h/t Page Six]

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Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.