Kevin Hart Donating 1/1 Billionth Of His Net Worth To Harvey Relief And Bragging About It Has Made Me Irrationally Angry


One of the few things I remember from college Economics class is how to cheat using a Poland Springs water bottle that there’s no such thing as true altruism. We only give to receive some sort of tangential benefit. We make sure the bartender is looking when we drop a tip on the bar so we can get drinks quicker the next round. We raise money to run benefit 5ks so we can post about it on Facebook and best case scenario score a new profile picture. We visit our grandmothers in retirement homes not because we love them, but to secure a spot in the will.

So, when I see celebrities tout up their piousness by bragging about donating to a cause, it’s equal parts annoying and understandable.

But there’s a line.

And Kevin Hart crossed that line Monday, when he took to Instagram to make the following announcement.

Can we all take a quick moment of silence for Hart’s heroic deed?




$25K! WOO! Kev, are you in the poor house now? Should I start a GoFundMe to buy you groceries? Love the caption too: “Help me help Houston.” Not “Help Houston.” Help ME help Houston. Because what really is a crisis if a celebrity can’t make it about them?

Now I’m not saying Kevin Hart’s $25,000 donation wasn’t a nice gesture. Actually, ya know what, yes I fucking am. Kevin Hart is the highest paid comedian on the planet–pulling in $87.5 million in 2016 alone. The Richest lists Hart’s net worth as $128 million.

So let’s do the math here.

Hart gave up 1/5,120 of his net worth to Hurricane Harvey relief efforts. Business Insider lists the median net worth of the average American of Hart’s age (38) to be $35,000. So, Hart’s donation is the equivalent of an average American donating $6.80 to relief efforts. How many of your Instagram followers have made a video patting themselves on the back for a six fucking dollar donation? How many articles were writing about their good deed? Oh, zero?

I’d argue that Kevin Hart is hurting the cause by letting his rich friends off the hook with his measly $25k challenge. Check this shit out.

P. Diddy – net worth $820 million, the richest hip hop artist six years running.

The Rock — net worth $220 million, and a nicer guy than this.

DJ Khaled — net worth $20 million, okay this is acceptable.

J-Rod — combined net worth of $600 million.

The biggest benefactor of Kevin Hart’s donation was Kevin Hart. And if that’s a little harsh, excuse me, I stepped in a puddle today.

Shout of to Sandra Bullock for her $1 million donation to Red Cross, J.J. Watt for helping to raise well over $6 million, and other celebrities who paid a hefty price for the headline a good cause.

P.S. I don’t know why this made me so irrationally mad. Life on the internet will harden you, man. 


Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.