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Today is Kyle Farnsworth's 44th birthday. He is now a defensive end for the amateur Orlando Phantoms of the Florida Football Alliance.
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— Céspedes Family BBQ (@CespedesBBQ) April 14, 2020
Kyle Farnsworth, man. 44 years young and channeling his rage through full-contact men’s league football. I cannot imagine the type of person that would sign up for this league. I retired from men’s league basketball last year because I can’t handle bruises anymore. That may sound pathetic but one day you wake up and realize that grunting in pain as you lower yourself onto the toilet, because you took a charge last night in a 22-18 loss to the green team, isn’t worth it anymore. Maybe these dudes who devote their Saturday mornings to full-pads tackle football don’t feel pain the same way, given their buttcheeks are probably pockmarked and scabbed from thousands of self-administered cortizone shots. But even so, it takes a special breed of psycho to lace ’em up at that age.
I would have said it was comprised entirely of dudes who never got to play college or professional sports, but who kept some version of the dream alive into their 40s. Turns out, the league also attracts successful, retired MLB relievers who may or may not have been playing the wrong sport all along.
So happy birthday to Kyle Farnsworth. May he live for another 1000 years. If you’re into this sort of thing, here’s his highlight reel from 2017. You know, back when he was a young buck at 41.