Two weeks ago, we brought you the story of a man dipping his testicles into a customer’s salsa because of a small tip (Hey this is BroBible, not Smithsonian Magazine). Now we get the compelling ending in the saga of the ball-dipping incident.
In February, Howard Matthew Webb dipped his testicles in a food delivery service customer’s salsa. Does this gentleman not understand that Rocky Mountain oysters go with ranch dressing and not salsa? Unfortunately for Howie, the passenger in the car recorded the ballsy incident and shared the video of the bollock-dunking on the internet. Not surprisingly, people saw the video and were pretty disgusted by it.
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Eventually, authorities in Tennessee fingered Mr. Webb for the food contamination. The 31-year-old was on a delivery for the food service company Dinner Delivered. The woman who recorded the video worked for Dinner Delivered and the customer stiffed her on a recent order. “This is what you get when you give an 89 cents tip for an almost 30-minute drive,” Webb is heard saying on the video.
On Tuesday, Webb faced the music and was at court where he pleaded guilty to a reduced charge for dipping his testicles in a container of salsa. Webb was arrested and initially charged with Class C felony adulteration of food, liquids or pharmaceuticals, but pleaded guilty to a lesser charge of misdemeanor assault/offensive touching. Dipping your hairy nads into someone’s salsa definitely sounds like something more aggressive than “offensive touching.”
Webb laughed during his sentencing, which angered Blount County General Sessions Court Judge Robert Headrick. “What are you laughing about, Mr. Webb?” Headrick questioned. “There is nothing about this situation I find cute or funny. It’s abhorrent!”
Salsa balls wasn’t laughing when the judge sentenced him to 30 days in jail (he’s already served 21 of that punishment) and six-months suspended sentence on supervised probation. Webb also is required to attend 90 drug and alcohol counseling sessions within the next 90 days, and pay a $10 fine, plus court costs. A $10 fine? He dredged his balls in somebody’s salsa? This is a slap on the taint. Webb is also prohibited from any contact with the customer whose food he teabagged. This guy got off pretty easy.
The woman has since been fired from Dinner Delivered. “These acts appear to be motivated by singular personal frustrations of this sole contractor, and are absolutely not reflective of the behavior of the remainder of our capable and customer-oriented delivery force or the principles and values of Dinner Delivered as an organization,” Dinner Delivered said in February on Facebook.
This special dedication from the band Those Deadbeat Summers and their smash hit song Salsa Balls goes out to Howard Matthew Webb.