This Opossum That Broke Into A Florida Liquor Store And Drank Bourbon Is My Spirit Animal

by 10 months ago
Kentucky Derby Bourbon

Cass Anderson

It’s the holidays which means increased levels of alcoholism is an acceptable vice around this time of year. Even for opossums. Problem is that opossums don’t have credit cards or even cash, so they have to steal their liquor. One weaselly pest broke into a liquor store in Florida (because of course) and drank bourbon. I have finally found my one true spirit animal.

We take you to Fort Walton Beach, Florida, where an opossum was able to sneak into Cash’s Liquor Store and had its very own holiday party during the Thanksgiving break. When employees returned to the store, they found a discombobulated opossum laying on the ground next to an open bottle of bourbon. The opossum was not playing possum because the critter was definitely drunk. The worker said the female opossum was salivating and appeared to be pale and disoriented when she dropped it off at the Emerald Coast Wildlife Refuge. Who among us hasn’t been in this condition after indulging in a wee too much alcohol? The liquor store owner believes that the opossum came through the rafters and knocked the bottle of liquor off the shelf. “When she got down to the floor she drank the whole damn bottle!” he said. “But it just goes to show that even animals are impressed with Cash’s.”

“A worker there found the opossum up on the shelf next to a cracked open bottle of liquor with nothing in it. Assuming the opossum drank it all, he brought her to us, and we looked her over,” Michelle Pettis, a wildlife technician in the Emerald Coast Wildlife Refuge. “She definitely wasn’t fully acting normal. We loaded her up with fluids to help flush out any alcohol toxins,” Pettis said. “She was good a couple of days later and released Thursday night.” New York City pizza rat has nothing on Florida bourbon possum.

The Emerald Coast Wildlife Refuge posted a photo of the plastered varmit on their Facebook with the caption: “On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: a drunk opossum in a box! This sly, and currently slurred, opossum snuck its way into a liquor store and discovered some holiday cheer of its own. A police officer brought the animal to us for medical treatment and is expected to be released soon.”

I wish there was a refuge to rehydrate me after a few too many adult beverages until I was good enough to get back on my feet. This bourbon-guzzling opossum needs to party with the drunk guy who made his own meal at Waffle House.



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