Post Malone Spent $1.6 Million On Two New Teeth That Took 3 Months To Create

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Post Malone is worth tens of millions of dollars and he is young enough to still be on his parents’ insurance. Mixing riches with youth is a recipe for fiscal tomfoolery.

We saw this 26-year-old Uzi Vert, who earlier this month was forced to remove the $24 million pink diamond that was surgically pierced into his forehead because it was literally making his skull leak.

Instead of depositing into his Emergency Fund or buying a home in San Francisco, Post Malone dropped $1,600,000 on a dental makeover with the help from “The Father of Diamond Dentistry,” Dr. Thomas Connelly, who boasts clients like Shaq and Odell Beckham Jr.

“With a smile that shows off natural Porcelain Veneer work framed with 2 Diamond Fangs with a total weight of 12 Carats, Post Malone literally has $1 million smile!!!”

Of all the things to do with $1.6 million, shiny teeth would clock in right below purchasing a Radio Shack outside Chernobyl. But who am I to yuck on someone’s yum? Especially since he’s going to make that back with one three hour set at Governor’s Ball this year.

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Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.