Did your grandma put a little bit of herself into her baked goodies? Well, not like this she didn’t. Students brought cookies into high school and served them to their fellow classmates. The high school students sprinkled in a special ingredient — their grandparent’s ashes. People ate the cookies. Let’s hope that the reactions weren’t “These taste like my grandma’s!” or “I think I’ve had these before!”
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Two students baked cookies with human remains and brought them into the DaVinci High School to share with their fellow classmates. Who said that kids don’t understand the meaning of “sharing” these days? Police in Davis, California, a suburb of Sacramento, are investigating the situation and said that NINE students had ingested the twice-baked cookies when they were brought to the campus on October 4th. “These cookies taste old.”
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“No, this is a weird one,” said Davis Police Lt. Paul Doroshov. “I have not heard of anyone getting sick or anybody being harmed as far as physically, physiologically by this.” The will be sick when they find out that they ate somebody’s grandpa.
Remember the good ole days when the worst thing that happened was bringing in pot-laced cookies? The treats were allegedly sugar cookies. Who doesn’t love a good sugar cookie? How could the students resist?
“Some students knew beforehand and still consumed the cookies,” Doroshov said. Hey, cookies are cookies.
Andy Knox, a student at the school, said he was going to his environmental science class when a girl in the same class offered him a cookie. When she told him there was a special ingredient, he assumed it was marijuana. “I didn’t believe her until she pulled out the urn,” Knox said.
Knox ate the cookie despite knowing that there was human remains baked inside. This is a weird protein bar. “If you ever ate sand as a kid, you know, you can kind of feel it crunching in between your teeth. So, there was a little tiny bit of that.” Yeah, that’s not sand Andy, that’s the burnt bones of somebody’s grandpa. There is no truth to the rumor that the high school kids washed the cookies down with a nice chianti.
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Police say that the female students are not siblings and the deceased man was the grandfather of only one of them. Doroshov said police are trying to determine which penal code would apply to baking cookies with human remains. They are considering public-nuisance charges in the case of the cremated cookies. This is some circle of life shit.
Da Vinci Charter Academy Principal Tyler Millsap wrote a letter to parents over the cannibal cookies:
“Today Da Vinci Charter Academy High School and Davis Joint Unified are receiving a great deal of media attention. Our communications team is supporting our staff with this effort, but I want you to know that my first priority is to the safety and well-being of our students.
The story circulating in the media is something on which I cannot comment, but let me be clear that there is no health risk at to our campus or to any one of our students.
We care about our students and we care about our student’s families. We always take all allegations of wrongdoing seriously and we conduct thorough investigations and involve the police or other entities when appropriate. When we find wrongdoing has occurred, we apply disciplinary measures as well as restorative measures to repair the harm within our school community. In this case and all cases, we work with all parties involved, including our student’s families. This issue going on right now has been particularly challenging and our staff has responded appropriately and in the most respectful and dignified way possible for all the students and families involved. We regret that this issue has been taken up by the media.
I can say that those who were involved are remorseful and is this now a personal family matter and we are want to respect the privacy of the families involved.”
This is why we can’t have nice things like homemade baked goods such as Rice Krispie Treats in school. I hope you’re proud of yourselves.
Here’s the Married with Children episode where Al Bundy made burgers with Marcy’s dead aunt’s ashes.