Survey Of Millennial Stresses Proves That We’re Hopelessly Addicted To Our Phones

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Quick personal anecdote: I went away for a weekend last month and left my phone back at my apartment by accident. The feeling I got when I knew it was missing can most aptly be compared to that feeling you get when a teacher hands out a pop quiz and you blew off the reading. For the first few hours of the trip I would reach into my pockets, a conditioned response to any break in human interaction, only to have a brief panic surge when I realized I was without it.

And eventually, when my brain accepted the new reality, only then was a truly able to disconnect. And my oh my, I haven’t felt truly re-charged after a weekend in as far back as I could remember. No mindless Instagram scolling. No group text updates. No PornHub. Well that last part kinda sucked, but thank God for the bra and panties section of the Macy’s catalog AMIRIGHT!?

A recent survey of 2,000 millennials conducted by OnePoll on behalf of Endoca reinforced my experience. The survey found that millennials are reporting that they are more stressed than ever, and a driving culprit of that is we’re too FUCKING PLUGGED IN BROS.

Via the survey:

Two in five millennials say that cracking their phone screen would be more stressful that their car’s ‘Check Engine’ light turning on.

One in three millennials said their phone dying in an unknown place would be more stressful than credit card fraud.

One in five millennials said that getting zero likes on a social media post would be more stressful than a massive argument with their significant other.

These are the top American millennial stressors:

Losing wallet/credit card: 50%
Arguing with partner: 48%
Commute/Traffic delays: 48%
Losing phone: 44%
Arriving late to work: 43%
Slow WiFi: 42%
Phone Battery Dying: 40%
Forgetting Passwords: 39%
Credit card fraud: 38%
Forgetting charger: 38%

I challenge you all to go out this weekend, even if it’s just to the bar, and leave your phone at home. Once you overcome the initial feeling of nakedness, you will truly be free.

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.