Teens Flock To Disposable E-Cigs Thanks To Sour Gummy, Banana Ice, And Cool Mint Loophole

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Hi parents! Did you think the flavored Juul pod ban would make any sort of dent on vaping? If so, I’ve got a blue raspberry bridge to sell ya!

Kids these days are cunning and cannot be stopped from turning their lungs into Tony Stark after he snapped his fingers. The best you can do is pick up their inhaler prescriptions.

NY Times– When the Trump administration decided to prohibit fruit, mint and dessert flavors in refillable cartridge-based e-cigarettes like Juul, it carved out a few exceptions to mollify the vape shop owners and adult consumers who complained.

But a footnote on page 9 of the new policy permits all flavors to continue to be sold in devices that cannot be refilled and are designed to be disposed of after the flavored nicotine has run dry.

Great. Now, instead of fucking plastic straws, turtles are going to choke on pineapple upside-down cake e-cigs. Did our old man government really think that teens would be stumped by their Juul pod ban? These are teens we’re talking about. They do… whatever they want. They’re anarchists. Have you seen the shit they’re wearing these days? With their butt cheeks flopping out of those high-waisted shorts? Whatever happened to church? Lord Jesus, if you’re out there, we could really use a visit.

“We’re still back on Juul,” [high school principal] Ms. Rodgers continued, describing school administrators’ approach to policing teen vaping. But, she said, the students tell her, “‘Juul’s so yesterday, we’ve moved on.’”

They’ve flocked over to Puff Bars, which sound a bit like a healthy snack but are not even close to a healthy snack. One expects that the government will soon ban these, but that will just lead to new companies developing new methods for getting kids their fruity fix.

Legislation is reacting to kids who are always a step ahead. The best solution is to wait 50 years and watch as this generation of teens ages worse than the goalie from Mighty Ducks. Maybe then, we can point to their zombie bodies and sallow faces and say “see? Vaping = bad!”

But by then, I’m sure the next crop of teens will be on to injecting cotton candy-flavored ceiling insulation.