Well, I’ll be damned. Admittedly, it took me a solid couple minutes to remember what annal of childhood Reptar Bars generated from. I originally thought Doug Funny used them to seduce Patty Mayonnaise (as if Porkchop wasn’t enough), but then I remember that Funny could never close the deal. My mind pin-balled around from Hey Arnold! to Rocko’s Modern Life to Ren and Stimpy. I even entertained CatDog for a second.
Then, wiry bright ginger hair, purple rectangular glasses, and a timid demeanor popped into my head, and I had it. Pickles and the gang were after Reptar Bars like Stu Pickles was after a bottle of Jack Daniels.
Stu, seriously, you got a houseful of kids to raise. Put down the bottle.
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…and the gravity bong.
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AND THE FUCKING CRYSTAL METH, STU.
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Stu, please enter this room and take a seat in a circle. Your loved ones would like to read you love notes and offer help.
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Anyway, I’m digressing. The mental health of a parent with a busload of kids under his watch shouldn’t be more important than the news that the iconic Reptar Bars that propelled the toddlers into mischief on numerous occasions will be sold, in real life, within the next week. FYE, For Your Entertainment, will begin selling Reptar Bars at their stores.
Like the cartoon, these Reptar Bars contain a milk chocolate exterior and a green frosting interior. People should expect to have their tongues bright green for a few hours after consumption, Food Beast reports.
You can find your nearest FYE retailer here.
So there you have it, ladies and gentlemen. Head over to FYE to bite into your childhood.
P.S. Didi Pickles: low key freak in the sheets.
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[h/t Food Beast]