The Reopening Of Vegas Has Me Craving 4AM Strawberry Milkshakes At The Blackjack Table

Vegas is back, baby. And not a moment too soon. Or, too soon, depending on whether you’re into science and stuff.

NY Post–

Gamblers flocked to casinos in Las Vegas Thursday as the city reopened for the first time since the Strip went dark amid the coronavirus crisis in March.

“It’s just been months of us trying to get here,” Bobbi Carlisle of Phoenix, told USA Today. “Now we’re here, and we’re so excited. We’re hoping to get a keno machine, and we’ll play there for days.”

Bobbi Carlisle has been trying to get to Vegas for MONTHS. So excited! So excited for that keno machine, gonna play keno for days. That’s all she wanted (I’m assuming it’s a she, since Bobbi not Bobby?)—slots, cigs, and the comfort of letting that plumber’s crack run so deep you could shoot the Chilean miners movie down there. I hear you, Bobbi. We all hear you.

The one group chat I give a shit about on my phone has been pinging like crazy with the gambling news. They’re all degenerates, and my favorite people in the world to gamble with. It’s so much more about the camaraderie and the songs we sing at the table. Big hand for the table will have us breaking out in a chorus of “that’s my daughter, in the waaaater” at the top of our lungs, which makes no sense but feels so right. This, of course, at 4AM, when you’ve become a full-fledged smoker because when in Rome…

I’m a strawberry milkshake guy at that hour. They bring them in the little glasses with a dollop of whipped cream on top. Sure, there might be some cig ash sprinkled on the cloud of cream from the 10-mile journey the waitress took from the bar to your table, but it only adds to the flavor. Nothing like a little carcinogenic grit to help you split fours against a five.

PAINT HIM! PAINT THE MAN!

I’m getting chills. You never root for your friends more than at the blackjack table. And you never hate them more than when they all come out winners and you lose big. But in my experience, we’re typically all losers or mostly winners together. All depends on the dealer I guess. Gotta throw him/her a tithe for karma.

I’ve heard of these underground blackjack tables in New York City, but I’m too afraid to hit those. Doesn’t seem like the sort of place where you can scream “FUCK YOUUUUU” at the top of your lungs to the dealer. And while I’m thrilled that Vegas is open again, I don’t think I’ll be in the first wave of visitors. Look at that clip on twitter. That’s not a winning environment, I’m sorry.