Win A Patagonia Vest + Airpods In The Water Coolest Tools Of The (Corporate) Trade Giveaway
We’re teaming up with our friends at The Water Coolest to give away the quintessential tools of the trade for any corporate bro. One lucky winner will score a Patagonia vest, a Yeti Tumbler and Apple AirPods. Signup here.
Entering is easy and free. Sign up to receive The Water Coolest’s daily business news and professional advice email newsletter and you’ll be entered to win. Plus, you’ll get another entry for every friend you refer.
With fiscal year 2018 in the rearview, it’s time to reflect. Whether you pulled a Billy McFarland (read: crashed and burned) or just didn’t “live up to your potential” there is always room for improvement …
2019 is the year you’ll go from Jake from Statefarm to Wolf of Wall Street. 2k19 is about running through brick walls and putting the accounts receivable team on your back.
*Cue the montage of you transforming into a titan of industry*
Short of mainlining GaryVee podcasts and consuming your body weight in amphetamines, it may seem impossible to take your career from “met most expectations” to “blew it out of the f*cking water.” But like a masked vigilante ridding the streets of crime, the right arsenal of tools is a good place to start …
Meet the tools of the (corporate) trade you’ll need for 2019 …
Clear eyes, full hearts, can’t lose. Well, technically, clear ears, but you get the point.
As open offices become the norm, listening to Karen from accounting discuss her chlamydia meds on speaker phone will decrease productivity more than St. Patty’s day falling on a Thursday. But blocking out the white noise isn’t the only perquisite.
Earbuds reign supreme as a social cue to “go the fuck away.” Power user tip: erratic pointing at your earbuds will lead colleagues to believe you are on the phone and of the utmost importance. Other perks include avoiding “how was your weekend” questions and unsolicited lunch invites from the office mouth breather.
Yeti Rambler Tumbler
I love the smell of success in the AM. And 32 oz of pure, unadulterated homemade java straight to the face is about to have you getting your Patrick Bateman on. Do your mom a solid and start heeding the advice of every personal finance guru ever (“You could save $10k per year by not buying Starbucks you fucking moron!”)
Beyond the obvious (caffeine or lunch martinis), access to the cool, crisp elixir of life (water) provides health benefits that will at the very least begin to counteract the ills of office life. It won’t totally undo hours of hunched desk jockeying, but it can’t hurt. Plus every fill up and drop off (if you catch my drift) is free PTO on the company’s dime.
More colloquially known as the midtown uniform, a Patagonia vest is two parts utility and one part power move. Whilst allowing for unencumbered access to keyboards the outwear facilitates mock golf swings and happy hour maneuverability. On the Street, the “better sweater” screams market mover and alludes to a much loftier title than LinkedIn would indicate.
And if all else fails, remember that you should always dress for the job you want, not the one you have … and last time I checked “Dollar” Bill from Showtime’s “Billions” rocks vests with reckless abandon.
Go ahead and sign up, you know you want to.