Would You Rather Get Pink Eye Or Abandon A Full Shopping Cart? This Woman Made Her Choice

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South Africa is 8,000 miles from Florida, but the Sunshine State is a state of mind and it appears to have washed up on the shores of the Indian Ocean.

A fair tradeoff–we give them a new way of thinking and they give us a new strain of the coronavirus. Cheers to mutually-assured destruction, mates! Or is that Australia? Carmen San Diego, I am not.

While we’re on the topic of new strains stains, get a viral load of this woman in a Pick n Pay supermarket in South Africa dropping trou and using it as a face covering to avoid being forced to abandon her shopping cart.

A lunatic move, no question, but if you’re her you gotta try it, right? Imagine spending a hour out of your day to complete a tedious chore and then get Mutumbo’ed at the register. Trauma can make otherwise sane people do some crazy things.

Put yourself in her panties, mates. You can’t spell compassion without a little ass.

in·ge·nu·i·ty: the quality of being clever, original, and inventive.

“Cheryl showed sound ingenuity when she opted for pink eye rather than abandon her sparsely populated shopping cart.”

For those who have trouble making out what the cheerleader behind her in line was saying:

“Personally, I find it acceptable: It is a mask. And quite frankly, I think the bacteria on your knickers is less than on the mask.”

I don’t know about your diet, lady, but I’ve started buying my undies pre-stained. I’m literally shitting my pants as I type this.

Amazing how a year ago, if a guy wore panties on his face out in public, he’d be thrown in a cage. Now if you do it, you’re the beacon of caution and good health in your community. This world, man.

Not having a Fauci-approved mask on looks to be the least dangerous thing about this Mick Foley motherfucker.

And we end on motherfucker.

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.