50 Bros Who Crushed It In 2014
Everyone else is busy telling you about the best albums or the best movies of 2014, but we’re going to cut right to the chase and discuss what’s really important – the bros who won at life in 2014. Some of these bros won in big, obvious ways that can’t be denied, while others won in those subtle, yet glorious ways that speak to the bro in all of us. Some are legendary bros, adored all across the world, while others are bros who are simply in it for the love of the game. But whether they are showered in glory or just winning the damn thing in relative obscurity, these 50 bros all crushed it in 2014.
50. Joe Mangianello
Look, I could talk about the dude’s professional success – he’s shooting the sequel to Magic Mike as we speak, which coincidentally is why your lady friend keeps “accidentally” calling you Joe – but really, here’s the deal: in July, Joe Mangianello hooked up with Sofia Vergara, and they’ve been boning ever since. That’s, uh, that’s a bro who’s won.
49. Donald Cerrone
Donald “Cowboy” Cerrone has always been a popular UFC fighter, but in 2014, Cerrone made a genuine bid for fighter of the year. He did it by winning four fights over the course of the year, which is almost unheard of at this level in this day and age. Whether it was knocking out Adriano Martins with a head kick or derailing the hype train for Eddie Alvarez with a unanimous decision victory, Cerrone showed that the era of the Cowboy isn’t quite finished.
48. Bitcoin the Rapper
Bitcoin the Rapper is an old man who basically raps about a life of crushing ass. His fame will almost definitely be fleeting, and no one will care about him at all this time next year, but who gives a shit? This is about bros who won 2014, and Bitcoin the Rapper threw everything out the window, especially his own dignity, to win today, and to let us know what’s truly important in life, and for that, we thank him.
47. Neil Patrick Harris
NPH finished off his spectacular run as the ultimate bro, Barney Stinson, before starring on Broadway, writing a book, and then making noise in Gone Girl. And, oh yeah, he was also picked to host next year’s Oscars. This is a dude who not only won in 2014, but has won the game of life completely.
Don’t know who Vanoss is? He’s just an ordinary dude named Evan who also happens to be a huge YouTube superstar. And he’s done it just by sitting around with his bros and playing video games. That’s, uh, that’s not a bad life. As of this writing, he’s closing in on 10 million subscribers, his latest video has over 2,000,000 views in less than 24 hours, and he’s basically built an entire business and life simply by being a bro. Now that’s how you fucking do it.
45. Dave Bautista
We could talk about “The Animal’s” mixed-results in his comeback to WWE, but really, that’s all just background noise for the big guy taking Hollywood by storm. He was arguably the highlight of Guardians of the Galaxy, which is amazing given that it was the biggest movie of the year and nobody really had any idea if he could even act. He set himself up as the go-to guy when Hollywood needs a total badass, and made himself an invaluable fixture of the industry’s most important new franchise.
44. Mikhail “Givi” Tolsytkh
Givi is a lieutenant colonel for the separatist forces in the Ukraine, but we’re not here to talk politics. No, we’re here to talk about this. Yes, Givi is the dude who just stood and smoked like a stone killer while artillery shells went off all around him. Look, leave everything else aside and just appreciate that for a second. When you’re such a badass that you inspire Internet dorks like me to make thug life memes about you, you’re winning the goddamn game.
43. Robert Kirkman
Robert Kirkman is both the creator of The Walking Dead comic and the creative force behind the TV show, which went from a fun hit series to an absolute monster in 2014. It was the most-watched show on cable. Hell, it even managed to beat the NFL on Sunday nights. It doesn’t get much better than that, and Robert Kirkman is the dude at the heart of it all.
42. Palmer Luckey
Palmer Luckey invented the Oculus Rift, sold that shit to Facebook and made himself millions and millions of dollars all around the same age that most bros are crashing the bars for the first time. That’s a good year. But beyond that, years from now, he’ll be known as the dude who invented the device that eventually revolutionized the porn game. Don’t even front, you know that’s where that shit is headed, and you know you can’t wait, you degenerate.
41. Brock Lesnar
WWE champ Brock Lesnar only has to come into work a handful of times each year, and in 2014 those few precious dates included him beating down the legendary Undertaker at Wrestlemania XXX, ending the “Dead Man’s” unrivaled winning streak at the big event, and getting to be the dude to finally destroy golden boy John Cena, taking the WWE World Heavyweight Title. And then while everyone else was still busting their ass, he was able to go back home to the farm to bone his wife (the former WWE Diva, Sable) and count his millions of dollars. Oh, and he’s probably going to leverage all of that into a new monster contract with the UFC. Nice work if you can get it.