Alex Rodriguez is now reportedly dating Anne Wojcicki, biologist and ex-wife of Google founder Sergey Brin.
https://www.instagram.com/p/3ZTafMN4Eq/?taken-by=23andme&hl=en
https://www.instagram.com/p/zvEUrwN4FS/?taken-by=23andme&hl=en
https://www.instagram.com/p/prIcPuN4C3/?taken-by=23andme&hl=en
Does not compute.
It’s not that Wojcicki isn’t a pretty lady with a good head on her shoulders, I’m saying my previous perception of A-Rod was that he paints pictures of himself and masturbates to them. That kind of vanity projects itself onto his potential suitors. Just take one look at the data–A-Rod’s top three hitters consist of Cameron Diaz, Kate Hudson, Madonna. Now his Mount Rushmore is made up of two movie stars, a cultural icon, and a fucking BIOLOGIST? A+B ain’t equaling C.
A source told the New York Daily News,
“They have gone on a few dates. They’re getting to know each other.”
They’re getting to know each other?! No shit. Where in God’s green pasture do they even start?
“Hi honey, how was your day?”
“It was good schnookems. I found a positive biological link between Zika virus and microcephaly. You?”
“Oh that science stuff, love it. I hit a baseball 700 yards and painted a picture of myself and jerked off to it.”
“I love you, Alex.”
“I love myself, too. This is totally working.”
A+Z = LAMP
My mind is struggling to make the leap but more power to them for defying the public perception.
P.S. I think you guys thought I was trying to make a funny when I said A-Rod masturbates to himself. I believe in that more than I believe in God.
I don’t know what to believe anymore. I need a beer.
[h/t NY Daily News]