Bachelorette Season Finale Recap: Vanderbilt Actually Won Something!

jordan rodgers


So, that’s it. Episode after episode, we went down a road with JoJo and 26 guys that ended the same way it started: with Jordan Rodgers.

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Am I surprised? No. Anybody who knows anything about this show knew that Jordan was going to win. The question about this season was more of a “when are Jordan and JoJo going to break up” then a “who is going to win?”

The season finale usually stinks. I steered clear of spoilers this entire season, as I usually do, but I did spoil it for myself about an hour into tonight’s show. As I was watching with my friend, we asked whether or not JoJo’s boobs were real. I, of course, went to Google to find out the answer (they aren’t for those of you interested). As I typed in “are JoJo…” the search recommendations were all along the lines of “are JoJo and Jordan engaged?” This was a rookie mistake out of me, and was disappointed in myself, but deep down I already knew the winner, so it didn’t ruin much for me.

For this week’s review, we are just going to go through each major scene. There won’t be any award section at the end.

Before we continue, I just wanted to thank all of you who have followed along with me throughout this season and read all the recaps!

Jordan Meets The Family:

We started off the episode with Jordan meeting JoJo’s family first. There were two major things to come out of this, the first of which being that my conspiracy that JoJo’s father is the real life Pringles man is true:

The second of the major things to come out of this was JoJo’s sister:

JoJo’s sister appearance consisted of her sitting there, saying nothing, and looking at JoJo with an “aw, poor JoJo, you have to pick between two hot guys and I’m stuck as the ugly sister” look on her face.

Jordan eventually sat down with one of our nations treasures, JoJo’s mom, who found Jordan “too likable:”

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I got what she was saying, but the combination of botox and subpar English didn’t let me take her seriously.

Robby Meets The Family:

Robby came into this meeting and was immediately thrown a 102 MPH Aroldis Chapman fastball down the middle of the plate by the MVP of this episode:

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Robby responded in the way he has most of the season, in a way that seemed incredibly rehearsed. Maybe Robby just has a way with words, but every time Robby was asked a question he would respond in a way that seemed like it was off a script.

After Robby asked JoJo’s dad if it was okay for him to propose and then inevitably get rejected, JoJo’s father got incredibly emotional:

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This begged the question: what would happen if this show wasn’t fake and a scene like this happened in a normal household? You see if this was my father he wouldn’t be crying in my sister’s arms, instead he would be asking Robby, for the 8th time, “wait, how long have you known my daughter for? 3 months? Remind me again how much you love her.”

JoJo Sit Down With The Family:

This was a perfect set up by ABC. They made sure Robby came across as the good guy, who was marriage material and Jordan as the guy who forgot to ask the father if it was okay for him to propose to her daughter. It was a classic Disney scene.

They billed this scene and the rest of the episode as, “will JoJo go with the good guy or the bad guy?” At this point, when we saw her defending Jordan, we all knew how it was going to end.

This was the point of the show where I was expecting JoJo’s brother’s to shine like they did back on The Bachelor, but we got nothing…shame.

Robby Date:

Nothing of note happened here, except for when Robby explained his ideal future with JoJo included an overcooked meatloaf:

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The whole date seemed like two best friends hanging out together, but they just happened to kiss here and there.

Jordan Date:

Boring. JoJo is the type that loves to go along for the ride. She wouldn’t show it, but deep down she loved that Jordan didn’t ask her father to propose right away. She loved not knowing whether or not Jordan wanted her in marriage. JoJo loves the game.

Pre-Rose Ceremony:

One of my favorite parts of the season is when the final two contestants pretend to know what they are looking at when they are given the potential engagement rings.

This season ABC decided to spice things up by having the two remaining guys write JoJo a letter she read for the nation to hear:

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At this point of the episode, I realized that JoJo is certainly going down as the most emotional Bachelorette in history.

Rose Ceremony:

So, Robby got out of the car and showed America his pants were too short:

He then went on a little rant about how bad he felt for JoJo having to say goodbye to the other guy, but then was met with the destiny that was meant for him since the first episode:

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Sort of a dick move out of JoJo to let Robby do his entire engagement speech and interrupt him right before he was going to get on one knee, when she knew his verdict all along.

JoJo then decided to stab the dagger in a bit futher by telling Robby that she wanted it to be him:

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This made zero sense to me. If you wanted it to be Robby then you should have picked him. I expect nothing out of Joelle “I Play Victim” Fletcher, but this was her lowest point of the season.

We then saw what we all expected, Jordan on one knee and JoJo accepting his proposal:

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It was a good season, folks. Thanks for taking the ride with me.

P.S. I am setting the odds at 20/1 that Jordan and JoJo last, they didn’t look happy at all at After The Final Rose:

P.S.S. An interesting subplot that wasn’t talked about much was Vanderbilt actually WON something:

And this wasn’t the first time Jordan was on a knee: