I read a lot. When I was growing up and everyone would always make jokes along the lines of, “Did you do the homework? Pfft. Of course not, because it involved reading. Who reads?” and I would just laugh and hope they didn’t open my backpack where I had a book that I was currently reading for fun. Honestly, looking back, constantly hiding the truth of that part of my life may be part of the reason why I drink now. So, obviously, I got real excited like 6 months ago when reports surfaced that Barnes and Noble was going to be hitting us bookworms with stores that served booze. I could read and drown my sorrows? Sign me right the fuck up. Well, Barnes and Noble has just released the locations for these Boozy Bookstores.
“Barnes & Noble is turning to an age-old partnership to help it revive its business: literature and alcohol.
The New York bookseller says it is opening four “concept” stores in the next year that will feature restaurants with an expanded menu including beer and wine. The first concept store will open in Eastchester, New York, in October, followed by locations in Edina, Minnesota; Folsom, California, and Loudon, Virginia.
The company said Thursday that it had named its chief operating officer, Jaime Carey, to head a newly created restaurant division. Barnes & Noble on Wednesday reported lower total sales and lower sales in established locations in its most recent quarter. The chain, which owns 640 bookstores nationwide, now offers pastries, sandwiches, Starbucks coffee and Wi-Fi in its cafes.”
Look, jokes aside, it’s not a great time to be a bookseller. Pretty much everyone and their mother has an e-book reader. I don’t go to Barnes and Noble, I just download books on my Kindle like a regular millennial person who hates things that aren’t electronic devices. I’m not going into a Barnes and Noble to hang out and peruse the book selections. However, I really think that offering beer and wine does offer a whole new level of attraction. Plus, bitches. It looks 100x better to be crushing some glasses of white wine and reading a book than doing the same thing alone in a bar. You can get just as drunk and enjoy the same solitary confinement, but you look much smarter. So eat a dick, all those kids who used to not read. You guys can go sit in a bar and look stupid when you have to ask bartender how to spell Bud Light while I’m picking up hot moms in Barnes and Noble.