If a girl tries to tell you she got an STD from a book, she might actually be telling the truth. Because scientists really just sit around in their labs thinking of weird stuff to do, we get this terrifying bit of data. A pair of university professors in Belgium checked out copies of the ten most requested books at the Antwerp public library and ran full toxicology screenings on them to see what they could discover.
Interestingly enough, a full ten percent of the books they screened tested positive for cocaine – I know that when I’m cozied up in bed enjoying a good paperback I love to do a line or two to really make the text come to life – but it was one very strange finding that drew their attention. A copy of E.L. James’s best-selling mommy porn novel Fifty Shades Of Grey returned positive indications for the herpes virus.
Herpes, for those lucky enough to never be exposed to it, is a viral disease that causes unsightly sores around the mouth and genital area, and once you have it you can’t ever get rid of it. So the fact that it’s floating around on inanimate objects is not a positive thing.
The doctors did state that it would be virtually impossible to contract the virus from the book’s pages (even if you rubbed it on your cooch while thinking about Christian Grey), but that could be a factor of time from initial exposure. We don’t know if the herpes carrier who checked it out was weeks or even months ago. If you get a fresh, somewhat damp copy, I’d recommend bleaching it before you read it.