Daniel Radcliffe Talks About The Struggles Of Stroking His Broomstick On The Set Of ‘Harry Potter’

Disclaimer: I’ve never seen any of the Harry Potter movies. I’ve obviously never read any of the books either, because you’d know if I did. You know people read books in the same way you know friends are vegans or are running a marathon: they’ll tell you. Then remind you. Then they aren’t your friends anymore.

So unfortunately I cannot pepper this post with sexual innuendos relating to the movie, but I was proud of myself for the ‘broom stick’ reference in the headline. Pretty sure there are witches in the movie or something.

But Radcliffe has always struck me as a bro. He flawlessly rapped Blackalicious’ ‘Alphabet Aerobics,’ absolutely killed a karaoke rendition of Eminem’s ‘Slim Shady’ with his girlfriend, and generally seems like a dude who would not be above puking on himself at the end of a night at the bar. We are two birds of a feather.

I have gained an infinite amount of respect for the 26-year-old actor after his interview with Playboy Magazine where he spoke about his struggles with jerkin’ it in his trailer on the set of Harry Potter.

Playboy: You spent all your teenage years making the Harry Potter movies. For most teenage boys, their lives revolve around finding a chance to masturbate. Is there time for that on a movie set?

Radcliffe: Yeah, I was like every other teenager in that sense. My favorite line about masturbation is Louis C.K.’s, something like “I found out about it when I was 11, and I didn’t skip a day.” I think I started very early—before my teens. But not when I was on set. I wasn’t going, When is Alan Rickman going to nail this scene so I can run back to my trailer? There’s another feeling, again perfectly described by Louis C.K.: that fear just after you’ve jerked off that everyone knows what you did. It would have been embarrassing to walk back on set and look the dignitaries of British acting royalty in the eye, knowing what I’d been doing.

No idea how he was able to go out there an act with a loaded gun. What a bro.

[h/t Happy Place]

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Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.