The Dude Getting Eaten Alive By An Anaconda Next Week On TV Doesn’t Die. Neither Does The Snake.

SPOILER ALERT! Also don’t read the headline, because that’s kinda spoiler-y, too.


Anyway, a couple weeks ago we informed you of Paul Rosolie, and his plan to be eaten alive by an anaconda for a Discovery TV special (to raise awareness!) called Eaten Alive.

The special already filmed, and in an exclusive interview with Entertainment Weekly, Rosolie told everyone he didn’t die.

Major bummer. But why spoil this? Was there not enough hype? You weren’t going to watch it, and now that the potential for sweet, sweet death is removed, there’s even less incentive. Regardless of his living–which, I guess, good for him–what did Rosolie have to say about the experience? (Which would have been much better live, if you ask me).

Let’s break it down.

For starters, he wants you to know about his super cool, specialty suit.

Ah, the suit is incredible. And the making of the suit is one of things that sets the show apart. Inside I’m completely sealed off. I’m able to breathe in there. I swallow a pill with a machine in it that broadcasts my vitals to the scientists keeping me alive.

How can the scientists keep him alive when a snake is killing him? With science medicine? What could they do other than kill the snake? You need hunters, not doctors. Still, his suit sounds pretty safe.

I’m protected from the stomach acid of the anaconda, and it’s a completely crush-proof suit. We tested the suit with trucks which squeezed the suit with tug-boat ropes and we couldn’t break the suit. We tested it to 90 psi — which is previously what an anaconda has been recorded having constricted.

Why would a snake want to eat something that clearly isn’t food? Because Rosolie decided to piss it off so it would eat him. Real mature, dude.

The snake did not want want to eat me, at first. She wasn’t interested. But once I showed myself as a predator and she got spooked, then she defended herself. She nailed me right in the face and the last thing I saw was her mouth wide open before everything went black. And then she wrapped me and I felt the suit cracking and my arms ripping out of their sockets. It was absolutely terrifying.

Okay, maybe this sounds cool. How much did the snake eat you?

I am actually not allowed to say anything. I can tell you that the thing beat the shit out of me and constricted me. As for as actual consumption went, I’m not allowed to say.

Can you tell us if you died?

Well, the story of this is an attempt. When you say Nik Wallenda is going to cross the Chicago skyline, they didn’t promise he was going to make it; they promised he would attempt it. So the show is called Eaten Alive and that’s what we worked as hard as we could to do. As for what happens, you’ll have to watch.

But if we didn’t want to watch, does the snake eat you to your waist before you got pulled out?

I’m being careful how much I’m saying here, but the plan was once she got to my waist, they’d pull me back out — that’s partly for my safety, partly for the snake’s. Because once she got past my waist it would be difficult for me to get pulled out.

So tune in, or don’t. Is the snake okay? Let’s just ruin the whole show.

Alive and well. Trust me, I’m much worse off. She beat the shit out of me.