You know what’s tight? Being chill. You know what ain’t? I think you do.
That’s why we’re hunting for the chillest Bros on every episode of Game of Thrones. It isn’t easy, for unchill is everywhere, especially in last night’s episode, Home.
But that doesn’t mean we’re lacking chillness. No, not at all.
First up, though, the wack fuckers. A sad shout out is necessary for Roose Bolton, my pick for chillest bro of the season. He did the most unchill act of getting stabbed by his psychotic son. Sad face.
One of the reasons Game of Thrones is so popular is that despite it being a fantasy epic set in ancient times, it seems to somehow capture the cultural zeitgeist of the 2010s. Like the fact that the show has more fucking entitled millennials than this year’s graduating class of Oberlin.
Chill Bro Points: -1,000
Being overly melodramatic about your resurrection isn’t cool.
Chill Bro Points: -500
Ser Davos Seaworth
“Hey, so, like, I heard you, like, might know where to get some weed, so, like, is it cool if you, like, get me some weed? I have money and everything.”
Chill Bro Points: -250
Trying to pick a fight than backing down the moment the boys of the Bro you want to mess up arrive is super lame.
Chill Bro Points: -100
The High Septon
You know, I’m starting to think this dude isn’t all about the religion at all.
With that bullshit out of the way, it is time for le chill.
Chill Bro Points: -50.
T-5. Wun Wer Wun Dar Wun
Chill Bro Points: 250
T-5. Ser Robert Strong
Chill Bro Points: 250
3. Arya Stark
It only took her an entire goddamn year to learn to answer ‘No’ to one question, but at least she finally figured it out.
Chill Bro Points: 300
2. Theon Greyjoy
Knowing when to peace out is the most important skills a Bro can have.
Chill Bro Points: 400
1. Rhaegal and Viserion
And not immolating someone who is doing you a favor is one of the chillest things a Bro can do.
Chill Bro Points: 500.
Disagree with any of this? Get down to the comments below.
Now, for the standings after two episodes:
16. Jamie Lannister: -2,100
15. Yara Greyjoy: -1,000
14. Jon Snow -500
13. Ser Davos Seaworth: -250
12. Those Two Idiot Dothraki Bros: : -200
T-11. The High Septon: -50.
T-11. The Bernie Sanders Mother Fucker From Episode One: -50
9. Daario Naharis and Jorah Mormont’s Horses: 50
8. The Waif: 175
7. Roose Bolton: 200
6. Wun Wer Wun Dar Wun: 250
5. Arya Stark: 300
4. Ser Robert Strong: 350
3. Theon Greyjoy: 400
2. Rhaegal and Viserion: 500
1. Ellaria Sand: 2,000