RECAP: The Biggest Winners And Losers Of ‘Game Of Thrones’ Season 5 Episode 8’s ‘Hardhome’

Before I get into my full Game of Thrones recap for Season 5, Episode 8 ‘Hardhome’ I just need to get one thing of my chest: HOLY CRAP was that an amazing episode. I’m calling it now, bros, in the five seasons so far of Game of Thrones that was the single best episode we’ve ever seen. Last night’s ‘Hardhome’ had EVERYTHING you could ever ask for as a fan, and HBO should be giving themselves a massive pat on the back for the single greatest episode of television I’ve seen in years.

Due to last week’s Memorial Day holiday weekend I didn’t bring you bros a Game of Thrones recap, and I apologize for that. I’m entitled to my own vacations too, and for those of you that hit me up on social media to ask where it was I’m sorry I let you down, but I promise this week’s recap will bring as much of the fanboy enthusiasm you’ve ever seen from me (and more). So without further ado, here’s Game of Thrones recap for Season 5, Episode 8’s ‘Hardhome’!

Game of Thrones Recap: Hardhome (Episode 508)

Biggest Losers: Sansa Stark, Cersei Lannister, Ser Jorah Mormont

Again, apologies for not bring you a ‘Winners and Losers’ Game of Thrones recap last week, but the holiday weekend threw everything off. I’d also like to apologize in advance for any and all typos, as I write this recap on the fly. Now to the recapping!

Aside from Queen Mother Cersei Lannister (and some Wildlings we just met) I think it’s almost hard to say that there was any clear ‘loser’ in this week’s episode. Sansa Stark lost her chances at being saved by her friends in the North, but she also found out that her baby brothers are alive. So her life was actually drastically improved even though her current state took a tough blow. She still doesn’t know that Arya is alive, but at least she now knows she’s not the only living Stark. Also, Ser Jorah Mormont was cast aside by his true love and queen, even though he brought her a HUGE asset in Tyrion Lannister who sort of vouched for him. But now he has the chance to fight in front of her and regain glory, or so he thinks….aaaand now I’m just rambling on. So let’s get to the particulars on this week’s losers.

The Old(est) living heir to Bear Island, the knight who was once Daenerys’ most trusted advisor, and the man who is deeper in the friend zone than anyone we’ve ever seen on this show. He brought Queen Daenerys Targaryen, First of her Name a gift in Tyrion Lannister. The beef here is that Tryion’s brother Jamie is the man who killed Dany’s dad, the Mad King. These families probably have as much enmity as any two families in all of Game of Thrones, yet even after bringing his Khaleesi the dwarf Ser Jorah is still removed from the city and cast out into the wasteland.

So what does he do? He goes right back to the slaver who initially purchased him and Tyrion, and said he wants his chance to fight in the famed ‘Fighting Pits of Mereen’. He wants Queen Daenerys to see him brutally kill men in hand-to-hand combat, something she detests, in hopes that it will make her forgive him. Methinks this will NOT be the show of devotion Daenerys needs to forgive Ser Jorah, and that Ser Jorah will actually find himself up shit creek without a paddle come opening day at the fighting pits. I have a hunch that this will all end with his death, and we’re all going to be throwing goblets of mead at our TV’s in anger.

After remobilizing and arming the ‘Faith Militant’ a few episodes ago it’s finally backfired on Queen Mother Cersei, and she’s found herself in a dark cell without food or water. The most stuck up and entitled woman in all of Westeros (probably the world) cannot do a goddamn thing to improve her own situation. She’s created her demise. Even with her baby boy as King nothing can be done to save her, aside from her confessing that she’s banged her brother, killed her husband, and all the other awful things she’s done.

These Faith Militant nuns are #RUTHLESS. They show up, ask Cersei to confess, when she says otherwise they hit her with that big ass spoon and throw water in her face. By the end of the episode it’s gotten so bad that we see the seemingly unflappable Cersei break down and drink water off the floor of a jail cell. She’s broken. We can expect a confession next episode.

Don’t get me wrong, I love that we’re seeing one of the most evil characters in the history of television broken down…but what pisses me off about all this is they’re not getting a real confession. This is a coerced confession that will be coming. She’s not being offered food and water, and in order to live she’ll have to just say whatever these people want. They’re not getting the truth from her, per say, they’re getting her to say whatever the hell they want by starving her to death, and that’s not right. Expect to see a completely stripped down and maniacal Cersei come next week’s episode.

Poor, poor Sansa Stark. Just when we thought there’d be a light at the end of the tunnel for her and her friends in the North would save her Reek goes off and tattletales, and that old lady is flayed and skinned. HER SKIN WAS PEELED OFF BECAUSE REEK IS A LITTLE BITCH. I’m so tired of this dude. I used to think maybe Reek/Theon would play a role down the line, and redeem himself, and even this week when he let it slip that Sansa’s brothers are still alive that wasn’t enough. Short of him killing everyone at Winterfell and then finding Bran, Rickon, and Arya I’m not sure there’s anything Reek/Theon can do to redeem himself.

So what makes Sansa a loser? Well, she’s stuck with her husband, Ramsay Bolton. He’s as vile as anyone we’ve ever seen in the Game of Thrones universe, and she’s forced to share a bed with him every single night. Stannis is knocking on the gates of Winterfell, and a siege is imminent, but Winter is upon them and a siege from Stannis might not be enough to free Sansa. For now she and Cersei are borderline tied for ‘darkest future in Game of Thrones‘. Cersei’s future actually looks brighter because all she has to do is ‘confess’ and she’ll be out of that cell. Sansa’s future is completely out of her hands. The silver lining is that her spirits have been lifted by the knowledge that her baby bros were not killed by Theon Greyjoy.