Nick Kroll And John Mulaney Skewer A Ton Of Hollywood Celebrities While Co-Hosting The 2017 Spirit Awards

How many fucking awards shows can rich and famous people possible gift themselves? Jesus Christ, I didn’t even get a Christmas bonus this year and every two weeks, Meryl Streep is getting a Lifetime Achievement Award. It’s like she’s a fucking cat and has nine lives, all to be honored with a gold statue that is always “more special than the last.”

The latest celebrity circle jerk took place at this year’s Film Independent Spirit Awards, co-hosted by John Mulaney and Nick Kroll. The two comedians did not mince words when taking aim at Mel Gibson, Steve Bannon, Shia LaBeouf, Casey Affleck, etc. I particularly enjoyed the jab about Shia LaBeouf being the type of dude to have crumbs in his bed, because this is definitely a fact.

Stay tuned for the next meaningless awards show probably tonight.

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Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.