Ken Kratz From ‘Making A Murderer’ Admits He Was A ‘Dick,’ Can’t Contain His Jealousy Of Dean Strang In New Interview

I’ve had less difficulty finding a Chapstick I bought a week earlier than I did finding one redeeming quality in Steven Avery prosecutor Ken Kratz. And it wasn’t because I believed in Steven Avery’s innocence (the more I thought about it, the more I was inclined to believe that someone who doused a kitten in gasoline and threw it on an open fire probably, maybe could have killed a human.) It was because of his punchable face and his hushed bitchy voice. Oh ya, and him spouting off creepshow texts to a domestic violence victim he was representing. You throw a prosecutor that insufferable on a case, and I may be prone to pull for Charles Manson.

Comedian Jena Friedman sat down with the prosecution lawyer turned defense attorney for a candid interview about Kratz’s public persona, his regrets about the case, and to reveal his unabashed jealousy for heart-throb defense attorney Dean Strang.

“I know what your answer is already, especially with Dean Strang. It’s pathetic, the stars that go in your eyes when you talk about Dean Strang–look at your little heart going *pat, pat* just like this. It’s pathetic. I’m just saying, I just met you, but please.”

Sour grapes, Kratz. I understand the disdain for his opposition, though. Strang’s DMs are being flooded by strange looking for a piece of that virtuous peen while Kratz rifles through his rolodex looking to shoot off a couple hail mary texts to old clients.

Nevermind, Ken Kratz revealed that he’s no longer a creep, but this questionable hand placement says differently.

You can’t teach an old Kratz new tricks.

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.