Kind Of Disappointing That I’ll Never Be As Cool As This Little Kid Getting Lit To Drake And Migos At Coachella

It legit took me until 8th grade to move a limb at a school dance. They used to call me Stephen Hawking because I would just sit there motionless and drool. They were mean. So mean. Stairway to Heaven would come on and I’d pretend to enter into a sudden battle with diarrhea before locking myself in a bathroom stall until Jake Stevenson’s hot mom came to pick us up. God those were confusing days. And damn Mrs. Stevenson was fine.

My childhood experience is a far cry from this little kid stealing the show at the world’s most pretentious music event. I don’t know who let this kid into Coachella without a fedora, but goddamn what a show stopper.

You know you’re going places when Odell saddles up next to you.

I’m 29 years old and my father has never looked this proud.

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Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.