The 32 Most Entertaining Celebrity Tweets This Week

Every week celebrities go on Twitter and speak their minds. Sometimes they’re funny, sometimes they’re thought-provoking, and sometimes we don’t know what they’re talking about. This list is all of that and more.

Strap in. It could get bumpy. These are the most entertaining celebrity tweets this week.

The captain of our flight just announced Jeremy Renner's "golden globes" joke & we've agreed to let him crash the plane into Lake Erie.

— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) January 12, 2015

Does that mean they liked it or hated it?

“Good evening. I’m stoned.” #goldendglobes

— Joshua Malina (@JoshMalina) January 12, 2015

Pretty much.

Note: it is perfectly acceptable to use the "Globes" as an excuse for your hangover even if you watched it at home, or didn't watch at all.

— olivia wilde (@oliviawilde) January 12, 2015

Good information.

If you don't follow me on Twitter, I can only assume it's because you want me dead.

— Michael Ian Black (@michaelianblack) January 12, 2015

Twitter is everything.

I just witnessed the best (or worst) walk of shame ever. Poor girl was hiking up a hill in heels hahaha I can't breathe

— Lucy Hale (@lucyhale) January 12, 2015

That’s not nice. Funny as hell, but not nice.

I'm not here to learn. I just want to get drunk and major in business

— James Deen (@JamesDeen) January 12, 2015

Uttered by thousands.

What is worse? 1) posting a tweet that was supposed to be a DM 2) posting a tweet w/ poor grammar 3) seeking approval from the internet

— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) January 12, 2015

Too easy.

My nude selfies are looking better and better. One day I'll just press tweet n show you all. 😂😝 #justkiddingthosedaysaredone #kinda #flex 💪

— Kendra Wilkinson (@KendraWilkinson) January 12, 2015

Stop teasing.

Kate Hudson in that white ensemble…

— Chad Johnson (@ochocinco) January 12, 2015

Also uttered by thousands.

Jan. 12, 2015, 4:08pm: Still not tired of looking at photos of naked ladies.

— Michael Ian Black (@michaelianblack) January 12, 2015

There is no expiration date for that.

In regards to my new career as head ref for #OSUvsORE – Hey, I don't have a series any more – I had to do something. #OSUvsORE

— Bob Newhart (@BobNewhart) January 13, 2015

Still got it.

Can we retroactively scrap the Jon Hamm/Jim Caviezel/Kevin Costner sports movies of the last year and just do a Cardale Jones flick?

— Michelle Beadle (@MichelleDBeadle) January 13, 2015

I’d watch that.

To think this was the 4 seed. All those years without a playoff….

— Seth Davis (@SethDavisHoops) January 13, 2015

What a waste.

we can only pray urban meyer's fake heart problem doesn't flare back up.

— daniel tosh (@danieltosh) January 13, 2015

Godspeed Urban.

I just realized that when I murder someone my neighbors will never describe me as "quiet"

— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) January 13, 2015

No doubt there.

Whenever anybody hashtags #grind I only picture them taking a shit.

— Jay Mohr (@jaymohr37) January 13, 2015

And now we all will as well.

no one cared about butts when i was young. i also walked to school in the snow.

— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) January 13, 2015

Uphill? Both ways?

I’m beginning to think I didn’t get that role as young @icecube in “Straight Outta Compton.”

— Conan O'Brien (@ConanOBrien) January 13, 2015

I’d have liked to have seen that.

I'm going to rent a BMW for a day to see if there's something in their design that requires the driver to behave like an unremitting penis.

— Hugh Laurie (@hughlaurie) January 13, 2015

Shots fired at Beemer owners!

Happy for Ohio football fans because there is so little else to get excited about in Ohio.

— Michael Ian Black (@michaelianblack) January 13, 2015

Shot fired at Ohio.

"They won't be laughing about me being head of NASA when I bring back all that delicious cheese from the moon." — Ted Cruz

— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) January 13, 2015

Actual quote.

When you get out of the shower today, get a sense of humor. Love ya!

— Naya Rivera Dorsey (@NayaRivera) January 13, 2015

Good thing I shower every day.

I’ve never not lost my shopping list between the car and the store.

— Joshua Malina (@JoshMalina) January 13, 2015

I feel you, brutha.

Yep, never watched an episode of South Park.

— Darren Rovell (@darrenrovell) January 14, 2015

That actually explains a lot.

Of all the ways to start your morning, scrubbing loose dog shit out of a white shag area rug is not one I'd recommend

— Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) January 14, 2015

Never buy white carpet.

Rex Ryan challenged on his record w Jets: "I'm not a mediocre coach."

— Michele Steele (@ESPNMichele) January 14, 2015

A 50-52 record with the Jets would suggest otherwise.

The reason why this influenza is everywhere is because no one seems to know how to cover their mouth when they cough. #disgusted

— Alyssa Campanella (@AlyssCampanella) January 14, 2015

Seriously, people.

What if the single criterion to gain entrance to Heaven is justifying 85% of your Favorites?

— Joshua Malina (@JoshMalina) January 15, 2015

Then a lot of people are in serious trouble.

CRIMESTOPPER TIP: Rather than spend money on an expensive alarm system, just smear your entire house with feces!

— Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) January 15, 2015

Foolproof.

https://twitter.com/KattWilliams/status/556028117828259841

Hate when it does that.