Rugrats was the shit. Any dissenting opinions is grounds for a public stoning. And I think I can speak for all of us when I say that we just casted out the poor bastards when we matured on to ABC’s TGIF programming and eventually porn.
Do you ever wonder what became over those adventurous little shits? For a group of toddlers who gave us so much joy, the least we can do is check up on them and see what paths they chose after shedding the diapers.
And thanks to Rugrats story board illustrator Eric Molinsky, now we can. I’ve also added my own commentary on what the rats are up to based on Molinksy’s portraits.
Lil became a Certified Public Accountant. Lil’s definition of binge drinking is a small glass of wine while watching Downton Abbey. She doesn’t own one thong and will surely go to bed before the ball drops this New Year’s Eve.
Phil said fuck it after high school and pretty much mailed it in after his grunge band didn’t get signed by any label. Because they sucked. His breakfast consists of a Monster Energy Drink and a Fun Dip. He’s been wearing the same undies since Halloween and has more hair on his knuckles than you do on your head.
Tommy had one stroke of genius in his entire life and created an app that made him a shitload of money. Void of any hobbies or intimate relationships, Tommy just sits on his fat stack of cash and shows his dick on Chat Roulette. He is prohibited within 500 yards of the local middle school.
Chuckie is afraid of his own shadow. He works as a bus boy at Chili’s in his home town and drops an average of one entree a night. The dude doesn’t know what a vagina looks like but its his own fault for wearing purple glasses and letting his fiery red hair grow past his shoulders. He is the definition of skinny fat.
Dil is listening to a song you’d hate by a band you’ve never heard of. He smokes like a fucking chimney and is so pale, he reflects light back to the sun. He is also the only person left on the planet to have a Walkman.
Kimi could kick your fucking ass. She is a black belt with a chip on her shoulder and expect a double-leg takedown if you cut her in line at the overpriced local coffee shop she frequents. She is not interested in having sex with you even though every bone in your body tells you that she’d be a freak.
Angelica only exists to tell you about her problems. Angelica changed her Facebook profile picture to the French flag even though the only problems she really cares about are her Instagram photos not getting 11 likes or more. Angelica works in fashion merchandising and scoffs at you when you tell her you are an internet blogger. She is convinced she’s changing the world.
Judging by Susie’s outfit, she is obviously color blind because that thing is a fucking travesty. Susie turned out to be the most normal of the bunch though, which isn’t saying much, considering she’s talking on the phone to no one because you can see the apps on the home screen. Susie’s eyebrows seemingly grew an elbow as she aged. Didn’t see that coming.