Here’s A Great Story About Loving Dave Matthews Band Because Of His Finesse With The Female Orgasm
Hot tip: Head over to the wonderful music/culture blog Death + Taxes today. They’re doing an all-things Dave Matthews Band takeover today, publishing nothing but the hottest takes about DMB, the best jam band in the world to Bros who drive Land Rovers and wear visors like my main man Stan Halen.
To fans of the Dancing Nancies, there are many, many gems, including one writer talking about seeing a band member’s junk in a hot tub and another recollecting a great story about the time Dave hitchhiked in rural Pennsylvania to his own show at Hersheypark. There’s also the time Dave and Donald Trump were on The Tonight Show, some sweet band merch, and a helpful PSA from Dave himself about how, yes, men can get yeast infections too.
In terms of sheer ridiculousness factor, the icing on the cake goes to this recollection of a female DMB-loving Redditor talking about how she calm to the band because of his “knowledge of the female orgasm.”
It’s true. If anyone remembers Dave’s ’90s dance moves, it’s quite obvious the dude has some sex moves. And if you’ve ever been to a Dave show, you know that ladies just swooooooooooon over Dave’s sex moves:
My husband was asking me why I used to hate them, and I told him it was because I was young, and never paid attention to the lyrics, wasn’t reflective enough to “get them” and most importantly, I wanted to be different from 99% of my high school student body who all worshiped him like a God.
But if asked today what I think of people who hate the band I would say that if they are women they lack labido and if they are men they are completely headless – lacking BOTH heads, if you know what I mean.
The true reason I love Dave though? Well, because I can tell from his lyrics that he is a sex God and we could all learn from him. My fellow females out there, if you know your bodies and love sex then you know exactly what I mean. Songs like “Crash” for example, describe not only a passionate love making image (whether it’s a boy’s dream or reality) but the details of female orgasm. The waves coming and crashing: the vaginal contractions, the dripping wetness of it all. This guy knows how to bring a woman to climax and he is letting everyone know, but so many guys (and unfortunately girls) don’t know (because women’s sexual satisfaction has been overly neglected by sexist societal standards over hundreds of years with the exception of certain ethnic groups) so they don’t get it. When I hear Dave’s songs I know that he knows to stimulate the clitoris during penetration (and obviously he knows what and where it is), that he knows how to lick, how to caress, where to touch, where to kiss, how slow and fast to move and when… and no, it is not a fantasy of mine. It’s all clearly depicted in his lyrics. Songs like “Hunger for the Great Light”, “Rapunzel”, “Shake Me Like a Monkey”, “Cornbread”, “When the World Ends”, “Seven”, “Belly Belly Nice”, “Belly Full”, the list goes on, he just gets it. He gets a woman, he loves a woman, and Jennifer Ashley Harper is one lucky girl. I am sure he is lucky too, it takes two to tango.
Throw on your generic white, frayed college hat and head over to Death + Taxes to enjoy their Dave Matthews takeover while you can.
Now excuse me while I listen to “Before These Crowded Streets” for the rest of the afternoon on repeat. It is Friday, after all.