Inspired by the audience at Chromeo’s Terminal 5 concert this past month, but representative of bro’s everywhere, this depicts the good, the bad and, the bro-y.
1. WSG – The Wall-Street Guy:
He has clearly just come from drinks with a client, sporting a Brooks Brother’s striped button-down with a couple of buttons un-done, because after all, it is a concert and he is casual. He approaches the bar with the same ferocity as a business meeting. Once he has established his spot on the second floor overlooking the main arena, he downs three shots of tequila and dances like it’s a Bar Mitzvah circa 1998. He is screaming louder than everyone else, but to be fair that’s because he doesn’t know the words – or the band – but it’s a Friday night in New York City and he is alive.
2. The Almost Naked Guy
Every concert has this guy. We don’t know if he came in with clothes on and then somehow lost them (because they are no where to found) or if it was simply too hot for pants. He is centered in the main arena and gathered around a bunch of people that acknowledge his presence but don’t really seem to know him. Obviously, with as little clothes on as possible, he is touching as many bodies as he can. Not to mention he’s a dancer – not necessarily a bad dancer but with so little clothing, the amount of jiggling between him and his drink is making on-lookers uncomfortable and worried about possible fluid release.
3. The Meathead Bridge-and-Tunnel Guy
Some call them Guidos, other B&Ts (bridge and tunnel) but either way you will know one when you spot one. Native to the Northeast, they usual travel in packs. He has more gel in his hair than exists in any one bottle and is wearing a shirt that is tighter than your skirt. He and his friend (who is a little less buff and very aware of it) stand with their back to the bar, taking up as much room as possible surveying the women. But to be fair, those “guns” do need room to breath. His game is as together as his hair and within 30 minutes he has spotted an overly-tan (for early May) and under-clothed Jersey, Philly, Mid- Western girl just in for the weekend.
4. The I-am-Not-On-Drugs, Drugs Guy
He is wearing overly baggie clothes and a hat, backwards of course. He is dancing by himself halfway between the bar and the main-stage. When a girl approaches he tries to dance (slow back and forth movement with a little hand action) in their direction to get their attention but nothing so he tries again and again. He forgets what he is doing a few minutes later, looking up in hopes of making eye contact with the girls wearing Urban Outfitter’s “vintage” collection. Most of us go back to looking down at our drinks, however one girl is too slow and he approaches with speed. Once he arrives he forgets what he was going to say, laughs and continues to “dance.” Utterly harmless and totally sweet (most of the time) he is having the best time ever and is somewhere between conscious and not.
5. The Extremes, Tall & Short Guy Combo
They travel in pairs. They are each other’s equal, yet opposites. They have the ability to survey high and low, leaving no lady unnoticed. What’s even better is once they spot their two, the tall guy makes a move for a short girl and shorty makes a move for blondie – all legs because after all, opposites attract. They move in unison to the music like twins and what makes them so lovable is their ability to help their buddy out. At the bar, shorty sweeps underneath for quicker service and during the concert tall-e finds the best location for him and his buddy to see. They are the Milo & Otis of concerts.
6. The Dancing Guy
He was born to dance and he knows it. This guy is a huge fan of the band and a borderline groupie. He skipped the gym this morning because he knew he would be getting his cardio tonight. He is holding water because with all his forward thrusts he is going to have to keep hydrated; he is sweating everywhere – there is basically a puddle at his feet. Wearing a completely ridiculous outfit, this guy does not care what you think of him but just wants you to get out of his way or thrash along with him. He the moves, and often finds a friend in the almost naked guy concertgoer.
7. The Bro-Pack
They travel in large groups and look fabulous while doing it. The Bros are a staple in the New York social scene. Dressed in their Sperrys and polos, they’re friends to most concertgoers. The Bros are the Mean Girls of concert life, normally with the best seats, the hottest ladies, and the sneakiest drug habits. They incorporate a little bit of all of the guys and are completely harmless… unless drunk, in which case gird your loins!