There are a number of definitions for “Firebox” related to steam engines, Finnish record labels, Gingers or songs from European metal bands.
But steam engines are boring, who the hell cares about legendary Finnish bands like HIM and Nightwish, metal bands can only come from America because metal bands can only come from America, and Gingers, well my friends, that’s a story for another day.
Recently, however, as I do each morning, I was standing in my imitation office lobby wearing only a Speedo with Chuck Norris’ face on it while performing high impact karate moves on an inflatable T-Rex. I had just executed a near-miraculous roundabout leg sweep hurling the T-Rex across the room, when a mail carrier named Earl (according to his name tag) entered and handed me a package.
Earl set the package down and left. I was curious and opened it to find – you guessed it – a FireBox. But this was not a Finnish rock band in a neat little package. It was a different Firebox altogether from the good people at Fireball Whisky (they spell it that way because it’s made in the hinterlands of Canada by Canadians who do Canadian things when not making awesome spirits).
Just to be transparent – I’m a fan of Fireball. I’m also a fan of free stuff. So beginning my day with high impact karate followed by receiving a box containing the equivalent of two 1.75 liter bottles Fireball along with shot glasses, a bar mat a shaker cup, a mule mug and a bottle opener – well friends, this indicated I was going to have a remarkably remarkable day.
After all, there’s a reason Fireball is one of the most consumed spirits in the U.S. From Millennials to Baby Boomers and everyone in between – people love this stuff. Why? Because it tastes like a mixture of cinnamon, magic, breakdancing ability and exceptionally smooth whiskey. Most people like to shoot it, while others like it chilled, on the rocks mixed with Dr. Pepper or Angry Orchard; and I actually prefer to sip it over ice while eating an oversize turkey leg watching “Anchorman” and “Anchorman 2” in succession.
The next obvious question is, obviously, what’s up with the Firebox? Inquiring minds – or at least my mind – wanted to know. So I asked the good people at Fireball and they made the case: Essentially the setup is like boxed wine, just swapping out the fermented grapes with cinnamon whiskey. There’s no glass, it’s shatterproof, lightweight, there’s no keg deposit, limited cleanup if you set it up at a party, and it’s easily portable for trips to the river, mountaintop karate experiences, camping, beach karate experiences, watching Chuck Norris film festivals and more.
In short, it’s got volume for parties, it’s portable, and on the inside – it tastes like magic and burns like hell.
So yeah, the Firebox from Fireball Whisky – I’m a fan.
