Jessica Alba Celebrating Her 35th Birthday On A Beach In A Skimpy Bikini Is A Birthday Gift For All Of Us

Jessica Alba, or ‘Jessie’ as her friends call her, is that rare breed of woman whose got that girl next door look coupled with that ‘I’m too hot for you don’t talk to me you blogging virgin’ thing down to a science.

She can dress for dinner with your parents as effortlessly as she can dress for ladies night at the club, and still be gorgeous and tasteful in both arenas. Blake Lively, for instance, showing up to dinner with your parents would cause your pops to do the waistband boner tuck as he asks her to pass the mashed potatoes. I never want to know my dad has a boner. I just thought of it. Let me go take a shower.


Alba truly is a double-headed monster that awakes you single-headed monster with the best of ’em. Lets review.

Cute, Dinner with the parents Alba:

Sizzling hot, GiRlz NiGhT Alba:

Jessica recently spent her 35th birthday on a beach in Hawaii and the pics are a perfect coupling of both looks. I think you’ll agree that they are hotter than a dragon’s breath.

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.