Scarlett Johansson Split From Her Second Husband Because, And I’m Paraphrasing, She Wanted To Bang Other Dudes


It’s 2017 and “Till death do us part” is starting to sound more and more like a suggestion than a vow. The was evidence by the tragic breakup of Avril Lavigne and Nickelback’s Chad Kroeger. Since they broke up, I knew that me and my girlfriend were still together on borrowed time. Sad.

But, if marriage isn’t for you, please have the stones to not participate the in pageantry of it all. Don’t make us dress up in suits and buy you gifts and watch you slow dance for 8 minutes if you’re not sure you’re in this for the long haul. And for 32-year-old Scarlett Johansson, she’s done that song and dance twice.

Johansson has split from her second husband and father of her child, French journalist Romain Dauriac after two years of marriage. Why did things go sour? In plain words, she wanted to bang other dudes.

She told the new issue of Playboy:

‘I think the idea of marriage is very romantic; it’s a beautiful idea, and the practice of it can be a very beautiful thing. I don’t think it’s natural to be a monogamous person.

‘I might be skewered for that, but I think it’s work. It’s a lot of work. And the fact that it is such work for so many people—for everyone—the fact of that proves that it is not a natural thing.

‘It’s something I have a lot of respect for and have participated in, but I think it definitely goes against some instinct to look beyond.’

Scarlett was previously married to Ryan Reynolds from 2008 to 2010. If you’re divorcing Ryan Reynolds, you’re definitely going to divorce the next shmuck. That’s like eating a steak at Peter Luger and then being like ‘now let me try Outback.’

Now that she’s divorced, looks like Scarlett is looking to rebound with anyone. Or anything.

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Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.