Blazed Movie Reviews: ‘Elysium’


TriStar Pictures

In the distant future, only rich people in a floating sky city will be able to get high. Okay, usually when I’m high I could give a rat’s ass about cleanliness but something about the batch I got this week (from my usual guy) made me really freak out at how nasty everything looks in Elysium. Director Neill Blomkamp’s last movie had people eating cat food out of the can, which almost made me barf, so I should have seen it coming.

Here’s the plot of Elysium: the rich got richer, the poor got poorer, repeat for hundreds of years until the rich people live on a shining city in the sky and the poor people crawl around like worms in the dirt. So basically modern-day Los Angeles. Matt Damon is a former criminal trying to go straight by working on an assembly line building robots until he gets a zap of radiation that means he has five days to live. Of course, the Richie Riches up above could heal him with a snap of their fingers, but down below it’s certain death. So he tries to kidnap a rich businessman to identity theft him and get there, only to kick off all kinds of shenanigans.

Hey let’s talk about something real quick: Jodie Foster is the villain in this movie and she does the weirdest performance I’ve ever seen. Do you remember how weird Will Smith’s accent in After Earth was (if you were dumb enough to see After Earth)? This accent is WAY weirder and she walks around like she has a titanium rod up her butthole and – I don’t know. It was hard to keep it together whenever she was on screen.

So this is a pretty good movie. I mean, it’s dumb but so what? Most movies are dumb. The special effects are awesome and the director knows how to make everything look dirty and lived-in and real. There’s a lot of gore and if you like watching Matt Damon get his ass kicked, that happens a lot in this movie.

Disclaimer: I fixed all the typos and grammar errors but left all the other dumb stuff in.

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