New app will send automated ‘sweet texts’ to your girlfriend because you’re a very busy jerk



A new app launched this week that will automatically send sweet and endearing texts to your girlfriend because you’re too busy doing…probably nothing important. The BroApp (of course it’s called that) allows guys to preselect generic messages in an effort to “outsource their relationships.”

“We know that people are busy and sometimes forget to send enough love to their partners. We invented BroApp so that even if you forget to manually write a message, your love is still communicated. BroApp provides seamless relationship outsourcing.”

Totally! I mean, we’ve got to time to download an app, put in our account password a couple hundred times, fill out a profile, put in all of the information and select a message but we’ve got NO TIME to text “luv u” to a woman who thought it wasn’t such a bad idea to touch our penis.

The BroApp makers have even gone so far as to equip the app with a “detention device” in case your girl is a little nosy.

The creators claim the app also comes with a “girlfriend safety lock down” built in. “When BroApp detects an inquisitive girlfriend attempting to open BroApp on your phone, it sends that lovely lady to a list of gifts you were ‘planning to buy’ her,” the FAQ section of the app’s website explains.

Oh, man, that will totally fool here. And thank god she can’t web search what the app really does or download it on her own phone.

Seriously, if she breaks up with you via automated text, don’t be shocked.

Chris Illuminati avatar
Chris Illuminati is a 5-time published author and recovering a**hole who writes about running, parenting, and professional wrestling.