The details of the KC Zoo chimp escape are utterly fascinating

Yesterday, seven chimps from the Kansas City zoo escaped their enclosure and no, quit messing around guys, that didn’t actually happen. Wait, there are pics? And they created an elaborate ruse to get themselves out? Um…I, for one, welcome our chimp overlords.

chimp escape zoo

The details of this are utterly fascinating.

-The chimp ringleader broke a branch from a tree and used it to scale the wall
-Then he urged six other chimps to join him

So at this point, there was an exclusive chimp party. No one else was invited. For 90 minutes, Mojo and his pals ruled the roost. It was “Chimps Gone Wild” basically. There were kegstands, there were girl chimps showing their tits, threesome, orgies—it was Spring Break in Kansas City.

And then the walls came tumbling down. Zookeepers armed with Whoppers (malted chocolate balls, sorry Burger King) lured Mojo and the crew back into their cages.

What was supposed to be a defining moment for chimps turned out be nothing more than a frat party prematurely shut down by the cops.

How sad.

The chimp exhibit’s shut down today. Bunch of assholes those zookeepers.