In last week’s episode of Game of Thrones us fans were thrilled by the dead of King Joffrey, and the bar has been set extremely high for this season. So, what happened in this Season 4 Episode 3’s ‘Breaker of Chains’? Let’s find out who the big winners and losers were in this week’s episode of Game of Thrones.
WINNER: Sansa Stark
After 4 seasons of her lackluster plot line in the capital, Sansa Stark has finally been liberated from King’s Landing. That pissant Joffrey choked to death while his fool, Ser Dontos, whisked her away from all the hullabaloo and set her on to a boat. But wait, Ser Dontos was just a pawn in the Game of Thrones? It took all of two seconds from getting Lady Sansa to the ship, to him getting shot in the damn throat and left for dead. Sadly, as we’ve seen in the past this isn’t something that only happens to secondary characters. So it’s not like we were to expect this good deed to go punished. Nevertheless, Sansa Stark is free, so by my count every living Stark is free from the Lannisters at this moment. +1 Starks.
LOSER: Sansa Stark
So she’s finally free of Joffrey, Cersei, and King’s Landing…but now she’s stuck with Littlefinger, the dude who lusted after her mother and who might be the most devious man in King’s Landing. From the first moment we see Littlefinger in this episode he’s weaving his web of truth sprinkled lies, how he’s acting in Sansa’s best interests by putting a bolt in the fat belly of Ser Dontos.
On the other hand, it’s nice to see Littlefinger fleeing King’s Landing as well. The little man who came from nothing and made it to the King’s small council, we can only assume that he’s capable of influencing the rest of the realm, wherever he ends up, in the same brothel-fueled way that he did King’s Landing. His final words to Sansa are “you’re safe with me, you’re sailing home.” So for now, we are to assume they’re headed North? To the accursed Winterfell? I’m sure that’ll end up wonderfully. Arya’s on her way to her batsh*t crazy aunt in the Vale, will they meet there?
LOSER: Margaery Tyrell
“So am I the queen?” No trick, you’re not. Well, you sort of are. Unfortunately for you it was necessary for Joffrey to spill his seed inside of your regal womb in order to consummate the marriage, making you the official Queen. So for now, you’ll have to put up with the heinous bitch that is the Cersei, Queen Regent, brother boning bastard birther.
Should we be sympathetic to this girl? She’s now the widow of not one, but TWO dead King husbands. And she seems genuinely distraught at having witnessed Joffrey’s gruesome choking. You can’t fault her for trying to climb on up the regal pole, given the right opportunity, what single person wouldn’t bang their way to the throne? Certainly not Margaery Tyrell, as we now see that her fate is to bang the next in line for the throne, Tommen, Joffrey’s little brother.
Hooray, we’ve got a new boy King of King’s Landing to either love or hate. This baby faced, peter-pan looking toe-head, has been gifted not only rule of the seven realms, but also the Tyrell punani that’s tamed two previous kings. I mean, he’s hit the Lannister lottery, right?
Perhaps the absolute best moment of this scene (and maybe the entire episode), is the omission by the great Tywin Lannister that Joffrey was not a good King. He drops this bomb in front of Cersei, the grieving mother, and it just feels so damn good we can’t help but revel in the absolute demise of all things Cersei related. +1 Tommen, +1 Tywin, -2 Cersei.
Damn, brother and sister getting it on right there in the middle of the holy sept. As we learned in my recap of the Season 4 premiere, exogamy is defined as ‘sexual reproduction between individuals that are not closely related.’ Like Winter, this was a long time coming. We haven’t seen the Lannister twins getting busy in what seems like ages, and Jamie hasn’t gotten his jollies off since he lost his good hand, his right hand, you now which hand that is. But daaaayum, this was hard to stomach. A brother and sister bumping uglies in the middle of the holiest of holies. The Gods frown on this sort of thing, as do the judgmental Guyism reviewers.
Maybe this is what the twins needed to get over the death of their abomination of a son, Joffrey? We all grieve in our own ways.
WINNER: The Hound
Well, he’s got some extra coin now, right? We get to see some more of his true character after he promises ‘fair wages for fair work’ only to lock up the old farming man (and his daughter) and steal their hidden silver. Honestly, let him rob everyone in the Riverlands. As I’ve said the past two weeks, Arya stark is my favorite character, and she couldn’t be in more capable hands than The Hound.
WINNER: Davis Seaworth
The once illiterate smuggler turned hand of King Stannis Baratheon. Faced with the unenviable task of finding Stannis an army to storm Westeros, Davos has pretty much been up sh*t creek without a paddle. But wait, there’s hope! During his nightly reading lessons from Stannis’ daughter, Shireen, Davis goes off on a tangent about the First Sword of Braavos only to find the beautiful idea of hitting up the Braavosi for dat cheddar required to fund a war. +1 Davos, +1 Stannis.
LOSER: Samwell Tarly
He’s lost his beloved Gilly, and her obnoxiously loud baby. Sam the Slayer thought it was time to finally dump her off at the local brothel, though not as a two-cent whooore, but as a chambermaid. The climate around Castle Black has seemingly been a bit too rape-y for Sam’s liking, so it only made sense that he’d get his beloved out of there before it was too late.
WINNER: Prince Oberyn Martell
Seriously, is there no man nor woman that Prince Oberyn and his sexy concubine cannot bed? They’re getting all up on and in just about every person in King’s Landing, all while dropping pearls of infinite wisdom. I’m just going to say it, Prince Oberyn is the man. The only exception I take with him is that we have yet to see any show of power from Dorne. We know that they’re the one ruling family who was able to stand up to Daenerys’ family, and their dragons, but how f*cking long ago was that? What have they done recently? All we know is the actual ruler of Dorne has gout, from being fat and lazy and awesome. Prince Oberyn’s menacing character has me anticipating some epic show of force at some point in this season. Nobody in Westeros has ever spoken to Tywin Lannister the way that Prince Oberyn has, and for that we know he’s a formidable force.
Tywin Lannister tells Prince Oberyn that he may soon receive a place on his ruling council, so the Martell stock is rising by the second. But that’s not what I want to see happen. That’s too damn boring. I want him to somehow find a dragon, have sex on top of it, then reign fire on anyone who had a hand in the killing of his sister. Above all it seems he’s set his sights on The Mountain, the man responsible for killing and raping his sister, the brother of ‘The Hound’ and the brute force of Tywin Lannister. The clock is ticking on this, as Prince Oberyn’s indication that The Mountain ‘would not enjoy’ speaking with him, the only problem is we don’t know when IT’S GOING DOWN.
LOSER: Tyrion Lannister
He’s stuck in a stinky, dung filled dungeon, and his only guest is his squire Podrick. He’s been told of the people who will speak against him at his trial. Those names include his own father, margaery tyrell’s father, and the prince of dorne. Basically at this point Tyrion is all types of fugged. The one man who might testify on his behalf, his squire Podrick, has been offered knighthood if he testifies against Tyrion, and who will probably get his throat cut if he doesn’t. Tyrion’s situation could not get any worse at this point.
The hope we have here is that Tryion’s biting intellect is unrivaled in the world of Westeros. He’s cunning wit is basically all he has to go on in this trial, as all the evidence is against him. In case you forgot what evidence there is let me lay it out for you: he was the one who gave Joffrey his final libation before choking, and his wife is missing now and has also been named as a killer. Also, Tyrion has previously told his sister Cersei that ……..
So yah, the Half Man’s days appear to be numbered. If we lose him, this will be a big loss for both the show and the viewers. Let’s pray to the Seven and the Gods of Old that this does not happen.
LOSER: The Night’s Watch
Well, that was unexpectedly disturbing. For a show that’s shocked us countless times in the past, it never ceases to amaze me when they pull one over on us. But when the wildlings charged that village, murder the family, send the boy off to Castle Black, I was genuinely shocked at the complete lack of empathy for human kind displayed by the wildlings.
What we find out next is that Mance Rayder has discovered that there’s only 100 members of the Night’s Watch protecting the Wall from the wildlings. Things are not looking very peachy up North.
WINNER: Daenery Stormborn
Ah, our sweet Queen born of the blood of the old Valyria. It’s been a hot minute since we saw a show of force from the Khaleesi. And what a perfect way to end the episode it was. Her pretty little warrior, Daario Naharis, displayed hand-to-hand combat acumen we’ve only previously seen on-screen from Achilles (Brad Pitt) in Troy.
He knew precisely what he needed to do in order to make a subtle, yet LOUD statement to all watching, and he executed on it. This was one of those truly visceral moments that Game of Thrones alone can cultivate. BOOM, you’re dead, BOOM, we’re breaking down your wall with our massive catapults, BOOM, did I mention I have f*cking dragons? Not just one, not two, but THREE mother f*cking dragons?!?!!
The question now stands: does Daenerys stay in Mereen or continue on towards Westeros? I guess we’ll have to tune back in next week to find out.