There was a hilarious bobblehead theft in Detroit

This is Jimmy Howard. He is a goalie for the Detroit Red Wings.

This is Jimmy Howard without his head.

A group of men were seen this morning posing with the bobblehead before brutally decapitating it. They escaped in a Chevy Malibu because yes, that’s the kind of getaway vehicle someone would use when stealing a bobblehead.

Goddammn you stupid suburbanites.

For what it’s worth, there’s another theory floating around—and it’s quite wild.

Another theory floating around is perhaps a serial decapitator is on the loose — heartbroken over the Wings loss in the first round of the playoffs. According to 97.1 The Ticket fan Kurtis Adum, Pavel Datsuyk’s statue received the same treatment about a week ago.

Detroit problems, ranked:

1) Bankruptcy
2) Corrupt politicians
3) Absent police force
4) Serial bobblehead decapitator
5) Not enough strip clubs

You know what, fuck this. The police aren’t gonna look for these guys, so I will. If you know anything, drop me a line on Twitter. Let’s catch these assholes. Let’s send them to pound me in the ass federal prison.

UPDATE: It’s been found


(Pics via Allison Krup and Diana)