Bacon deodorant is now a real thing that exists for purchase. To celebrate this momentous occasion, we tracked down 5 more ridiculous bacon products that might change the way you date forever.
We use a lot of swine strips in the Guyism Grill, but not even in my most grease-educed hallucinations could I have come up with a product so amazing. Power Bacon Deodorant will have you smelling like meat musk in no time. Who needs real bits of panther when you can have real bits of pig? This might not get you laid at night, but you be prepared to have ladies lined up at your door for morning sex.
After such an invention it seems only fitting to pay tribute to J&D’s with a look at 5 more things from their shop that can improve your love life. They are ultimate innovators in the bacon marketplace.
5 Bacon Roses
Now that you’ve discovered bacon deodorant, you’ll need an easy way to break up with your vegan girlfriend. Show up on Valentine’s Day with a bouquet of bacon roses. It will be the most inconsiderate and intelligent thing you do in your entire life.
4 Bacon Envelopes
Online dating site like STDmatch and FarmersOnly are too impersonal. Why not try sending women a
stalker note love letter for once? Seal your sweet nothings in a Bacon Envelope, and they’ll be bacon fat in your hands in no time.
3 Bacon Lip Balm
Women hate kissing a man with chapped lips, and nothing moisturizes quite like bacon. Thankfully you no longer have to rub greasy strips on your lips to get that relief. Bacon Lip Balm doesn’t offer as much shine as the old school method, but it has significantly few calories.
2 Bacon Lube
When that special moment with your new boo finally arrives, make sure everything goes smoothly with Bacon Lube. There’s nothing better to grease the wheels than the sweet scent of slippy swine.
1 Bacon Coffin
All of this bacon dancin’ and romancin’ will certainly take it’s toll on your heath. You’ll probably be having so much sex that you’ll die of exhaustion. Luckily there’s a Bacon Coffin with your name on it to ensure that you died like you lived. Covered in bacon.
All of this can be found in J&D’s amazing shop. It’s like an online candy shop for adults.